It's Just Me! Discovering Myself And Ridding Myself of Shame, Blame and Guilt

For a long while now I have been following a system built around energy types, and for most of that time I couldn't locate the one that actually fit me. I wanted it to help me understand who I am and to let me present a version of myself that gives off a particular glow, the kind that draws compliments and lifts self-esteem. My first guess was wrong. There were some small payoffs when I made peace with the scattered part of me and accepted that I'm more of an idea person than a planner. Then the truer picture surfaced. I'm a motivator. I like to push a thing all the way to its finish so I can stand back and look at the completed result. Chasing a professional degree is the clearest proof of that, since I wanted people to see how driven I was and how far I'd carry something once I started.

The pattern began near the end of grade school. I signed up for college prep classes and aimed for the top grades I could manage in high school so I'd land at a good college on a scholarship. Part of the fuel was wanting to prove something, to my classmates, my teachers, and to me. College worked the same way, because I was angling for a doctoral program in clinical psychology. I stayed on those goals for a solid ten years. After that came two years of postdoctoral training in child clinical psychology, then two years of work in the field, and eventually the studying that got me through my state licensing exam as a psychologist.

The goals after that were about family. My husband and I wanted at least three children, and we had them inside of four years, finished by the time I was thirty-nine and he was forty. So yes, I can set a target and hit it. A more recent one quietly arrived too: we now have ten grandchildren.

This blog caught me off guard later in life. Around the same time I started singing hymns acapella at church now and then, and I realized I was at ease teaching lecture classes in psychology. That's how a Type Four shows up in me. There's a secondary streak of Type One as well, because I tend to have too many irons in the fire and I'm forever juggling several things at once. Case in point: today I was supposed to be dealing with bills and ended up writing this instead. I also want to get some posters and pictures up on my walls, especially in my office, which I still haven't finished uncluttering. I'm getting there.

When it comes to style, I lean edgy. Darker jewel-like colors suit me, along with dramatic, slightly sharp lines. My hair needs movement, often with streaks or patches of color or highlights. The same goes for jewelry, which works best when it's angular and a little bold. One nice side effect of paying attention to all this is that strangers have started complimenting me, every one of them a woman so far.

Looking back, the trouble spots were always the stretches where I tried to borrow another type's energy, something that was never mine to begin with, so of course I struggled with it. I'm not a naturally tidy, organized person. As I've mentioned, I'd write the whole term paper first and only then go back and build the outline. The clothing that looks great on other types simply works against me. Shopping for an interview suit, for instance, was miserable. The suits I found never felt like me, and I never once walked out of the fitting room sure that I looked right or dressed appropriately, which is exactly the wrong footing to be on when you're interviewing.

Lately I've gone back to shorts instead of capris or crop pants, and it feels more like me. The catch is that the shorts have to read as Type Three, a bit rough around the edges. No flares, nothing ruffly, no soft faded Type One or Type Two shades. I steer clear of black and white too, since those belong to Type Four. I've even started thinking about dresses and skirts again, cut for my type.

If you want to look into this, search Carol Tuttle and Dressing Your Truth online. She has books on it as well, including The Child Whisperer, which covers children's energy types. Her counseling background makes the whole thing feel more grounded. There are color and pattern cards you can use to help pick clothes. Once I have good before-and-after photos, I'll put them up here. Part of landing on the right type is noticing that it works: you track your successes and your misses against the type, and at some point it just clicks. It doesn't always happen right away, but you'll recognize the moment when it does. For me, statement pieces have always been the tell. I never feel fully dressed until there's a necklace or a bracelet on.

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