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Why Does A Person Have A Shopping Addiction?

 

Gluttony Could Be A Form Of Food Addiction

My first shopping addiction- involved collecting colored glassware from the early 19oos.   My then-fiance gave me a pressed glass turquoise goblet in the moon and star pattern,  It was then I decided to collect turquoise glass or other pieces of glass in the moon and star pattern.  After we were married and lived in Kansas, it was our hobby to go out in the countryside looking for pieces of glass that attracted us.  It was easy to charge our purchases.  Then we acquired cabinets to put the glass in.  When we divorced, we had to decide who got what.  He got all the goblets except the one he gave me.  I got the vaseline glass, a weird yellow-green, and a few pieces of carnival glass, not the orange-yellow glass that most people collected, but the blue, green, and purple. That was one type of shopping addiction where if you saw something to have in your collection’ you just had to have it and usually found a way to pay for it creating a large number of charges on your credit card.

Then it involved shopping for clothes.  I wanted to have clothes In the style that was most popular.  Would you believe that?   I had to have mini shirts and combination panty-slips to go under them?    I loved wild shoes and I especially liked wedgies.  That addiction continues to this day.  And it also included my children when they were home and in school.  I remembered being in high school and not having new outfits every fall in high school and college like the other girls.  Some even had matching underwear.  I made sure that I had appropriate underwear for my going away outfit and nighties for my bridal wardrobe when I got married in the ’60s.

This continued to the present when I liked to dress as my type 3 in Dressing Your truth and when I got bigger, I had to discard smaller clothes and get bigger ones and always in the right colors and textures for a type 3.  I did not save up for my purchases and I did not have a budget.  I did not get a thrill when I did this like some people with a shopping addiction which was one difference.  Men, for example. could have an addiction involving cars, hunting equipment,  sports equipment, or even clothes or watches.

Some people get a thrill out of spending money.    It is like an alcohol or drug addiction.  There is a biological reaction.  Once the person attains this,  they want to get some more. People also do this as a form of competition.   Gambling is a form of this. They have to look better than someone else or at least as good as someone else.  They are not comfortable unless they do.   Buying a used name brand item for less than half the price is an example of this.  The item may not match your wardrobe, but it is a Gucci or something like that.

A coup;e of things to do to stop a shopping addiction would be to think of something you could buy if you did not buy those items and saved up.  Never go shopping without a list.  Currently, I need a crossbody bag as mine wore out.  I should look for that and not buy anything else I find in my search for such a bag.

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My Shopping Addiction

Having had my debts consolidated at least three times; you might have thought that I would have learned something.  Not true.  I lose track of how much money I have left in the bank; having a credit card can make it easy to put off paying for an item.  Then I  also didn’t share my problem with my family.  I was ashamed and also sneaky.  It was my problem so I had to solve it.

Since then I have learned that I was bipolar and just before that I finally admitted to myself that I have a shopping addiction and that it was uncontrollable on my own.  I also wondered how my bipolar disorder contributed to my shopping addiction.  Which came first the chicken or the egg?  The bipolar disorder or the shopping addiction?

Did the problem of keeping things in proper order cause my shopping disorder or did my desire to have stuff and not being responsible about how to pay for it?  I see something as being neat to have now and not worrying about do I have the money to pay for it without going over my bank balance and getting an overdraft fee or crating a load of debt on my credit cards with exorbitant interest.

I did not share this problem with my family as I wanted to solve this embarrassing problem myself and I didn’t want to hear the bad things they might have to say about me.  I was afraid that they might kick me out into the street.  They might talk to themselves about me and be friendly with one another but not me.  It was different than that.  They did gang up on me and I felt bad and they managed things exceedingly well and did things on the phone and on the computer that would have been hard for me to do.  I thought that they might kick me out of the family and have nothing good to say to me again but it didn’t happen.  They talked to me more easily and I could be more open with them.

I am still loaded up with paperwork, but I do feel some relief.  I admitted that I still wanted to publish my book but I said I would stick to the amount of money I originally gave to my publishers.  So I don’t have to sneak around to do it.  Everyday Psychology for Everyday People contains some of the posts that I have made on this website: but there is still plenty of material for more books, but let’s see how this one does first.  It is called, Everyday Psychology For Everyday People.

I am writing a follow-up on this post as I have more to say.  I will talk more specifically about what attracts people to different types of shopping addictions or just plain straight addictions.

Conversion Reaction And Bipolar Disorder

.This seems to be an odd combination, but it seems to have appeared in me. It seems to me that I don’t want it to happen, but it does. It happens when I most need to be independent. Conversion reactions are a physical reaction that happens and it handicaps the person it affects. It could be hysterical blindness or a person becomes deaf or incredibly weak. The person affected is panicked by the sudden handicap and does not immediately appear to receive any benefit from the physical problems A person can even become mute. I develop a sudden weakness which leaves me liable for injury from a fall.

The only benefit that I might receive is help. I feel helpless and fear that I might injure myself. This situation is incredibly dangerous and doesn’t seem to benefit me at all. The only explanation I might have is the lack of help around the house when I do things that are scary and/or painful without any help from someone else. When these incidents happen in front of someone else, I get help even though I am scared at the same time.

I don’t think that this combination of bipolar disorder and conversion reaction is very common in persons with bipolar disorder like I have. When I get weak I get very panicky. I am very afraid that I will fall. I want a wheelchair for safety. Honestly I have fallen and hurt myself so there is a reason why I would be very afraid. Those with conversion reactions like have may be avoiding the fear of falling. However, persons with conversion reaction are usually may be seeking a =ttention and not so much being afraid of falling.

Hallucinations Can Lead To Delusions in Bipolar Disorder

She appears SCARED!

If you think someone said, “I love you” or “I hate you”n you then might think that they were expressing their love for your they were expressing their hatred for you. Then you might avoid them in the first case or you might want to express your affection by saying, “I love you” back. How embarrassing this could be. Once you know that this could happen in bipolar, you might become more cautious. This has to do with auditory hallucinations. Visual Hallucinations are more likely to be scary. I tend to have these in my bedroom at night. Sometimes I see black lace as if it were covering my eyes with a film. This to me is more fascinating than scary. But when it appeared as if the wall curved across the room from me, It was scary and I pulled my covers over my eyes and went to sleep after saying my prayers just in case.

Now when I think that someone says something unusual, I hold my tongue and see if the person says something similar to what they said before. Once I saw a scary face on top of my therapist’s face. I told him about this at a later session because I didn’t want him to think of me as crazy. Hallucinations can lead to delusions. I might have thought my therapist was a secret space alien.

Shadow monsters are another category of hallucinations. For example, a pile of clothes on the bathroom floor might look like a sleeping cat until you take a second look. this leads to some self-examination whenever you see or hear something unusual or something that is not validated by the perceptions of others
My perception of these types of hallucinations came slowly as I had not had hallucinations which I actually called hallucinations in the past. Could dreams too that I thought I had had had really been hallucinations? I once had a lucid? dream about an evil servant of the devil actually having nonconsensual sex with me. Could some dreams actually be hallucinations? Contributing to this is the fact I frequently am a lucid dreamer where I actually take part in my dreams.

Did You Know That Hallucinations Are Bipolar Disorder Symptoms

Hallucination or reality?

Fluctuating moods most everyone expects to see in a person with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder; but not necessarily hallucinations. When I learned this, I realized that I had been having both visual and auditory hallucinations, especially in the past few years. When I thought of having hallucinations as being crazy. I thought of things like voices in one’s head; possibly scary ones. I realized I had been having ones but the ones I had had I thought of being spiritual possibly visions or things that I actually heard someone say to me (but I wasn’t quite sure). I realized how embarrassing it would have been if I had shared my experiences with someone else. Matter of fact, it is embarrassing for me to be revealing this to you now.

When it comes to visual hallucinations that I remember started when I was a child. I had asthma and one night I saw green and orange bugs and worms crawling across the ceiling. Fortunately or unfortunately my mother thought it was due to the codeine in the cough syrup that she was giving me. This may have been one of the reasons that I was afraid of the dark. Fast-forwarding to seven years ago I had a dream or a vision where I saw a couple of workers in helmets through a corner window in my room at a rooming house. It was the middle of the night and I asked them why they were there so early. There was no window in the corner of the room. That morning I learned there really was a gas leak and there were gas workers in the driveway initially and later in the house close to my room.
Prior to that when I was in a nursing home recovering from surgery, I saw a candy striper come to my room with a tray of cinnamon rolls. That hospital had no candy stripers.

As far as auditory hallucinations go, I thought I heard someone say something when they really didn’t, things like “I love you” and “You could be a preacher”.
I wasn’t sure that these people had really said those things and I didn’t say anything or it would have been embarrassing. Prior to these things. I had been visiting a friend in the nursing home where she had gone because her physical problems required that she get the care of the nursing staff. I was visiting in the dining room along with a couple, a minister and his wife, and I either heard the words that indicated that Jesus was fighting the devil for my friend’s soul. This was very upsetting for me as I knew that she was very sick and might die. I didn’t share this with any one of them but I did discuss this with a couple of people I was close to. I also had the feeling that neither of these two people was a true Christian even though one was a minister and they were making calls to see people that one might have expected to need Christain reassurance.

I didn’t view these as hallucinations but as spiritual occurrences which indicated that I might have abilities to see or hear things from another dimension. Now I wonder were they hallucinations, “Yes o No”.

Paw Prints In The Snow

Seeing him here.
Seeing him there.
Been gone away
Many a day
I cry
I wipe my eye;
One tear here, One tear there
He could be anywhere

He could be anywhere
Where do kitties go
The Bible doesn’t show.
I sure don’t know.
Is there another
Somewhere or other
After the end
Of my friend.

How could I be so Whitty?
When I have lost my kitty?
Will a fuzzy beast show up
Will I watch a tiny kitty grow up?
Still, I look up to the sky
And ask why did my kitty die.
I didn’t see him go
There were no footprints in the snow.

Prisoners

Prisoners of Time
Standing in Line
Man by Man
Doing what they can
To pass the time

Kicking and screaming
and illigetimate dreaming
Only the lonely
For themselves only
Doing their own time

Raped and abandoned
Neither left or right handed
Join a gang bang
Or be a gang bang
Losing their mind

Extremely candid
And every man did
What he was commanded
Became right or left handed
Down fall the sands of time

Black and white and yellow
Doing time makes you mellow
Bargaining in boxes
Thinking of foxes
Doing your own time

Restrained by bars
And without cars
Living alone yet
Living in a human net
Forget, forget, forget

(I worked over seven years in male prisons.)

Is Bipolar A Convenient New Hook To Hang Old Medications On Or Is Bipolar A Convenient Hook To Hang New Medications On?

Which came first the medications or the diagnosis? Is Bipolar a convenient new hook on which to hang old medications? In other words, Which came first the chicken or the egg?

Did you ever wonder like I have if when a new drug is found or if an old drug has run out of uses that a new diagnostic category is born. It is in the drug company’s best interest to either keep an old drug in play or have a old diagnosis for which it will be useful that will be useful to have a w use.

In the past I was tried on a psychotropic that grossly effected my motor skills. I suspect that new drug was somehow related to an old drug which I had been given for my now found out bipolar disorder I was drug drunk Everybody’s body chemistry is different and drugs that mess with your moods can cause some strange reactions which are sometimes worse than the disease itself.

New diagnosis old drug. New diagnosis new drug. Old diagnosis new drug. Old diagnosis old drug. Sometimes it is scary to be a guinea pig.
New diagnosis new drug. Old diagnosis old drug. One thing that I have successfully taken has been antidepressants. Oh and P.S. If you do get side effects don’t wait too long to tell your doctor or nurse practitioner. Sometimes it is difficult to separate new symptoms cause by a new drug or from side effects which you should not need to tolerate. Keep this in mind when you have a bipolar diagnosis especially if you have just been diagnosed.

It’s Been There All Along

INTUITION

My intuitive mind told me this but it was so surprising. I asked how long I had been this way and it told me that I have been this way since third grade. Hmmm, first grade I was too young and in second grade I had a really good female teacher. We didn’t keep them long because if they got married they couldn’t teach. First, a woman gets married and then she gets pregnant of course and no decent woman paraded her pregnancy in front of innocent little children. All the rest of my parochial school teachers were male.

When I got in trouble in grade school, it began with defiant anger and ended with a waterfall of tears. The swing went from one mood to the other. Quite a big change. I would go home having been in trouble in school again. I did not tell my parents this of course (because I would get in trouble again) and hid or destroyed the notes that were sent home with me. Good thing there weren’t computers and cell phones then. I love you Dear Jesus but you couldn’t keep me from getting in trouble again. It didn’t matter how ashamed I felt or the amount of snot that my nose rubbed on my upper arms and sleeves. There it happened again. I just couldn’t help getting in trouble again. I remember sitting on a church bench or folding chair while my parents talked to my teacher about my bad behavior. I just couldn’t help getting into trouble. And that would be about in third grade.!

It wasn’t long before it became a hopeless or helpless situation. “Trouble” was my name and teachers tried to keep me busy to keep me out of trouble. I had no trouble with the schoolwork and became bored while the teachers endlessly drilled the students who couldn’t get it. I was imaginative and ingenious. I read endlessly and finished the school libraries in each of my classrooms. I loved art and once left cupids I created for a Valentine’s day display with bare spots between their legs. I had to redo them and put ribbons down there. I also remember being given the
Wechsler Intelligence Test For Children in grade school. I guess because they couldn’t figure me out any other way.

At the spritely age of 76, that has been a long time to be Bipolar altering periods of manic behavior with periods of depression to put it simply. I never thought of myself as bipolar as my first glimpses of Manic-Depressives were in the State Hospital working summers in college in the state hospital. Bipolar wasn’t a popular word until long after I finished graduate school. The behavior of Manic-Depressives was much more exaggerated than what consists of manic behavior now or depressive behavior now. My second summer at the state hospital, we had a man at the ward who was manic-depressive. He pinched one of the nurse’s large boobs to see if they were real. When he was depressive, he regressed into himself and did nothing in group therapy. It was then his wife took him home as that was normal behavior for her husband.

For me, my “manic state” was being outgoing and/or up. Then I had no trouble speaking to strangers by making a glib or funny remark. When I was depressed, I wanted to be left alone and I didn’t want to talk to anybody. They already had their chances to talk to me before I became depressed. See this post of mine, Been
Down So Long, It Seems Like Up To Me. When I was “Up”, I just thought I was being outgoing. I thought that I was just trying to cheer somebody up. For a long time until recently I thought that I was just depressed. Later on, I discovered I was a victim of sexual abuse and that was why I had been afraid of the dark.

I did not learn until recently that I was bipolar and that I had symptoms that fit that diagnosis. I am continuing to explore the bipolar dianosis.

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Opening A New Window Onto My Life

You may have been wondering where I have been recently.

I am opening a new window in my life. I have been diagnosed as BiPolar and though many years have passed in my life I had only diagnosed my self as having depression. (I was told that was what my grandma had at one time in her life). One night after having an unusual fall a couple of days previously I called my own ambulance. I felt weird, unnatural and thought I might be having a stroke. Very recently my sister-in-law who is almost ten years younger than me had been diagnosed as having a stroke when she thought she had had the flu.
event
I felt oddly weak and had pain in my arms which I had attributed to wearing long sleeves that day. I talked rapidly to the EMTs and I thought that I talked very fast as I had several things to tell them that I thought might be cogent. This could have been labeled as pressured speech as I realized later as I thought the incident over in my bed in the hospital before either the doctor or the social worker came to see me and brought me their new diagnosis.

This could have been labeled at one time as a mini nervous breakdown. I surprised my family as I tearfully told the doctors in the emergency room that I couldn’t go home. I was paranoid and felt that if they didn’t agree with my wanting to go to the hospital in the first place, that they wouldn’t welcome me home with loving arms. The doctor decided to keep me for one more brain test the next day which ultimately proved negative.

There my doctor talked to me and then sent the social worker in to talk to me and this is where the word bipolar was first used as a diagnosis. They wanted to start me on medication while I was in the hospital. They were considering me for a swing bed in a new unit fostering the development of needed skills before a patient went from hospital to home. I also fit this placement because I almost lost most of my physical skills when I first was sent to my room. That presented another conundrum Because I was driving a car to and from town the day I was admitted.

I do not yet have an answer to the question of how I lost all those skills then and later when I went on a home visit and then when I came home the next day. I was “weak as a kitten” and I wasn’t faking it. I will join you later when I have more information about my new (to me) diagnosis.