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Love Yourself And It Will Let Others Love You

What a terrible story recently about 13 children who were deprived and abused.  It is such a tragedy.  Children are born to be loved and to love.  Each is a unique creature a flower (or a weed) ready to blossom and thrive in this world with the right care and treatment.  You are that child.  No, we are not meant to be the same.  We all have different places to be in life and in the world and different things to do.  We are precious (if we could just accept this) and often need to be supported by others to recognize this.

Jealousy is the curse of this world.  We all think that there is not enough for us.  Love especially.  There is a story about Cold Pricklies and Warm Fuzzies that illustrates this.  A witch perpetuated the idea that people only had a limited amount of warm fuzzies to share and should limit them only to friends and family.  People who would probably give them back.  In fact, people even became stingy and that’s what the local bad witch wanted to happen so she could sell her Cold Pricklies which looked just like Warm Fuzzies but didn’t work the same.

Phony Pricklies don’t work and they leave the recipient out in the cold.  In fact, these people who get Cold Pricklies can even die (whether they kill themselves from lack of self-love or “die on the vine” from lack of Love from others so to speak.  “Wow,” you say, “I can’t afford to squander my Warm Fuzzies.  What if I don’t get them back?  I need to save ’em too for my loved ones.”

The secret that is most often hidden from all is that the more you give “Love” or “Warm Fuzzies” so to speak; the more you have.  The less you give the less you have.  The hidden secret is that you are loveable.  You just have to believe it to make it come true.

Here is a “Love Exercise” to increase your Love.  Breath in and stretch out your belly.  You may think it is not attractive, but it works.  While you are doing this you are breathing in all the Love in the world and when you breath out your are breathing Love from inside of you back out into the world.  Don’t focus on where you are getting the Love from but believe it is there.   You are initially not focusing on any one person or thing as the source of it.  And again don’t “freak out” when you breathe out Love as this will actually only multiply it and you will end up with more to give.

Finally when you let your Light shine and see yourself as loveable as you were created to be; others will love you too.  Also, remember this saying. “I choose to be happy as I wait for something good to happen.”

The Time Is Up

“Oh, the time is up,” Jonner said.  “My little boy has gone to bed.  What a sleepyhead”; but then he stopped and thought, “But I am a sleepy head too.  The best spot is Grand pa’s chair or Grandma’s lap if he isn’t there.  My favorite human only visits me and part of the time, he is taking a nap too like Grandpa.”

You see, Jonner only comes alive when his human boy comes to visit.  Otherwise, he stays where his boy has dropped him; unless his grandma puts him away in the glass cabinet with all the other animals.  Time passes slowly in the cabinet as all he has to do is think and dream.

Jonner’s life is as big as his little boy’s imagination and he only moves when the moves are plotted in the little boy’s mind and then carried out by the little boy’s hands.  He flys through the air and he hides everywhere like in the half-opened drawers of the bedroom dressers or in the cupboards in the kitchen.

Jonner’s moves are only as fast as the little boy thinks.  He’s a fireman, a cowboy,  a soldier; and sometimes he needs a veterinarian to fix his hurts or even one of grandma’s kisses to reassure him he will get well, and grandpa always tells him to keep going he is not hurt that much.  Then the little boy takes him in his clutch and he goes on to play again.

The little boy knows what he is going to do when he grows up.  He is going to be a cat herder and he proudly wears a cap his aunt gifted him that says, “Cat Herder.”  When he started school, his mom took him to the animal shelter to get a kitten of his own so he wouldn’t feel alone when he slept on his own in his new room downstairs and he was unaware that his parents also had a small camera there where they could see him sleep and hear him weep.  If something happened, they could be there for him in a very short time and his parents’ room was just upstairs.  He could no longer share a room with the babies upstairs as he needed his sleep and they could keep him awake.

The boy had dreams and they did not make him scream as his new cat was there and in his dreams, also Jonner was there.  Sometimes even magically so they would fly together and look at the ground below.  The only thought that he had as he took the flight that it would have been nice if his new kitten had also been able to take flight.  In his sight, as they magically went through walls of his grandparent’s house in the bedroom was the glass cabinet were the other stuffed animals there.

Are Opinions Based On Assumptions, Not Facts?

If you can not change a person’s assumptions with facts, then why argue with them.  I someone thinks you are a “hypochondriac” and a “surgery addict”, what can you show them from your actual medical history that will change their mind?  Nothing.  What hurts too is that they also think “hypochondriacs” and “surgery addicts” are bad people.

Assumptions are just that assumptions and they can be extremely harmful if they are erroneous and associated with bad qualities in other people.  “Oh, that’s just a woman for you” or “Oh, that’s just a man for you.”  Doing this allows people to make quick judgments of other people without wasting time getting more information.

A debate is an academic activity where each side takes turns arguing one side of an argument.  This can lead to a reasoned analysis of a situation both for and against.  Lawyers often do this for a living depending whether they are working for the defense or the prosecution in a criminal trial.

More to come as I think this over.  Most recent contribution from a friend.  “Many people think that their opinions are facts!”  This is why arguments and discussions can be so hard.  Also, people often form “tribes” and identify with them like “Trump Supporters” and are threatened when a belief contrary to their tribe’s beliefs is presented to them by someone.  They become anxious and even angry.  Do you see why people often don’t talk about sports, politics and religion at the table?


Hiding Shame Based Interactions

How often people use shame to get other people to do what they want them to do.  Shame is a gut-based reaction that can bypass the forebrain’s common sense and leave a person helpless to figure out what really caused it. You don’t just feel bad when this happens to you feel really bad and usually also guilty too.  “Shame on you.”

Shame is often how the victim of abuse feels.  This keeps them from getting angry at the abuser and why they often don’t talk about what happened either.  Shame doesn’t go away.  It stays.  The only way it can disappear is if the victim tries to forget it.

When Is Reassurance Necessary?

This is why abuse victims often say that they don’t want to talk about it because they have tried to forget it and talking about it might bring it back.  If there are witnesses, they might think they are crazy because they might remember something about what happened; but the victim won’t talk if they ask them what happened.

What if your memory is, “Don’t hit him; hit me.”?  You know who the likely abuser was because you were there too.  It makes you feel crazy as the witness as you are the only one who wants to or can remember it.  “I don’t like to think about things like that anymore” is his response.  “I try to forget things like that.”   “I don’t want to bring it back.”

Feelings of shame can do that to a person.  They might cause the person to feel the pain again both physical and emotional.  If a person feels that they might be made to feel shame about something; they won’t tell anyone who might do that to them.

Prevent Child Abuse With the Truth

The cases of sexual abuse by famous people that have come to light have brought it back out in the open.  I know I can now say that I am the victim of sexual abuse even though I might not elect to tell you the details because I didn’t do it.  The abuser is the one who ought to feel ashamed, not me or anyone in one in the same situation.  However, this still happens in countries or religions where they have things like Muslim Surhea law and the rape victim gets killed not the rapist.

Focus On Now Not Later

Focus on now not later. Enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes with finishing what you are doing now. Don’t put off until tomorrow when you finally accomplish something having that feeling of I really accomplished something I have been focusing on my entire life whether it is getting a degree, having a child, finally owning a home, or becoming famous. What happened to NOW? Enjoy your food, enjoy your view out the window, having a quiet zenlike moment.

Mindless VS. Mindful Advertising

“If only I had a brain!”

Watching one news channel frequently and getting tired of watching the same advertisements over and over. Advertising was a field I thought about getting into, but I couldn’t create advertising for or promote products or services that I didn’t believe in.

Usually, it isn’t that these ads aren’t lying to you.  You know they are.  It is useless to try and figure out what they are lying about and worse yet they play them over and over.  Occasionally there is a cute one and you can appreciate the actor’s performance and those are not so annoying to watch.  Then there is the news media that only promotes a certain political view and can even go so far as making things up. Yuck!   This is both in print and on TV.

On top of that, there are unwanted telephone calls that try to trick you into sending money or giving your credit card information. For example. free products that aren’t really free. Yes, they send you the product for a free trial and after a certain amount of time they charge you for it if you didn’t send it back and may have set you up to receive more of the product on a monthly basis and charge your credit card a monthly premium.

Another winner is an email that tells you that you have a large amount of money coming to you, but you have to cough up a certain amount of money to perhaps set up a bank account in order to receive it. Once you do this you also have left yourself wide open to other scams. You are a stupid dope who might fall for more scams.

What happened to the good old honest truth?  What happened to the advertisement that promoted the good old honest product at the beginning or the end of a program or even during the break in the middle?  It was informative, maybe even funny, but it did not interfere with the program.

Do you think advertisers currently think we don’t have minds?  Or if we do that we don’t use them.  This seems to be why we have so much mindless advertising.  Currently, we are starting to focus on mindfulness; we are focusing on what the world both inside and outside of our heads has for us to focus on.  Thus we become mindful rather than mindless.


Finding Your Way Without A GPS System

Everyone has a journey in life and hopefully at the end of that journey, they have found their way!  Who are you?  Who am I?  Once we realize that many of the influences we have had in life since birth have formed our self-concept.  At some point in life, we realize that these outside influences have thwarted our finding our own path and realizing what abilities and resources have been given us to help us on our way and it is time to find out who we really are and what are we doing here.  I have reached the time in life when it becomes more important for us to know what is our pathway and how and when can we meet our goals before we transition (which I prefer rather than using the word die).

If you have followed my posts you may have realized what some of my goals and values are, things which I have been searching for most of my life.  I grew up in a rather strict and sometimes rigid Lutheran church at a time when my mother’s motto was, “What will other people think?”  Both the church school and my parents tried to control my life.  Anytime, I tried to be “ME” I usually got in trouble.  It was here that I connected with books.  I learned there a lot of things that I wasn’t taught in school or at home.  I thought about being a Catholic nun and a nurse.  Then I found the James Bonds books before they were made into the famous movies.  College and graduate school were rigorous and I had little time for outside fun.  Although I often hid in the library stacks and looked at old magazines from the 50s and World War II.  In high school, I was able to catch old movies from World War II that were on right after I got off the bus.  In high school, I did some arts and crafts and was in band but then I thought I wasn’t good enough in these areas to pursue them as careers.  I even played a crazy lady in Gas Light our senior class play.  I realized I was not that good at memorizing lines.

It wasn’t til my second marriage and my first child that I realized I had an interest in finding out who I really was when I met Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and started on a spiritual journey reading book after book and attending workshops but a spiritual calling (or New Age as it was called) was not very acceptable at that time and I felt I almost had to go undercover with my interests.  I did meet a few people and found a few groups that attracted me because of these interests, but I never settled in or on one group permanently and/or completely finished a path of study.  I was frustrated because none of these things I pursued was exactly right.  I might be attracted to them for a period of time and focused on them seriously for a while, but never finished any one course of study.  I didn’t seriously think that I had accomplished much in my life and I felt that other people felt that way too about me.  I could not meet other peoples’ standards completely and I really didn’t know what I was missing.  At the same time, my husband and I had three kids (which I never thought I would have a chance to have) and they became entangled in our lives and hearts.

Now from my perspective that I have now I came to realize I had to have some of these experiences and so-called failures to take to where I am now and a lot of my mistakes led to me having experiences with people where I was able to give them acceptance and respect even though they were supposedly lower class.

It wasn’t until my revival in the Christian church lately that I realized I was often doing what Jesus and the apostles did.  I also discovered I could sing hymns and had memorized the words and the melodies singing in church and never got a chance to have the singing lessons I thought I could use.  My interest in fashions and interior decorating and architecture were an outlet for my love of harmony and beauty.  I grew up on a farm and wound up on a farm although I had gotten a Ph. D.  I found out that I didn’t really want to be cooped up in a city where I couldn’t have room to enjoy mother nature.

But I still am discovering things about myself and who I am like those DNA commercials on TV but different.  I take care of others more than I take care of myself.  I love working with children, hypnosis (how often am I really in a trance?), and the use of drawing in therapy ( especially with children) and in projective diagnostic testing.  I continue to learn life’s lessons that sometimes something has to end in my life before something new can come in and this is especially true with friends.  I am totally loyal to my friends and chose them by how they feel about me and how I feel about them not by what I can do for them or what they can do for me.

Many things have happened to me spiritually and otherwise that I originally felt could be made up and not “real” and now I accept all my memories and experiences even if they don’t make sense at the time.  I have had experiences that were not “normal” and felt like I had to reject them because other people thought they had not had them and therefore, they were not normal to them and therefore, shouldn’t be normal for me.  In the Bible which I am reading now, a lot of things happened to people that were written about that were not “normal”.

Could you write your personal life story too?  Your experiences are “meaningful” and have guided your life.

If You Don’t Want To Do It, Don’t Say, “Yes”, And Then “Gunny Sack” It!

Many people play games and if they win, they can say, “Gotcha.”  This first happened to me when we had our first child and my husband’s aunt volunteered to come with me and the baby to a specialist in St.Louis.  Later I learned from her that she was just being nice and didn’t really want to do it.  Sometimes I can be very independent because of this Catch 22.  Especially when it winds up in the gunny sack which will be opened up at a later date and used against me!

Also, beware of narcissistic sociopaths and borderline personality disorders as they can manipulate you too.  You will wind up taking the blame and the perpetrator will wind up smelling like a rose and be one up on you too.  For these people lying is their favourite sport.  They like to see how easily they can take you in and leave you in the dumpster.

Worse yet they can cause your friends to think bad of you while they get accepted as the “real” victim, not you.  Initially, they can get you to care about them and take their side, but they are just as phoney as a three dollar bill.  You know how poison ivy can spread?  This is worse because you can never get over it.  Accomplished liars are good at telling the “truth” and leaving you, not them in the lurch,   And if they are good enough, then they can take all your friends away and make them their friends!

They can use anything such as a “fake” conversion experience to get you to take their side initially and to be considered to be a loyal friend by your former friend or friends.   “The devil made me do it,” is an honest reason for doing this but they would never admit it.  A good liar manipulator is often so good at this because they don’t really have a conscience to bother them like you do.

A family member like this aimed to put her stepfather in the nursing home so she could inherit.  A stroke of luck as she died before he did.  Sometimes I feel life is a snake pit and you always have to be on the lookout for snakes which might bite you.

The fraudulent manipulators never seem to get the blame; they just get the goods and take off with them.  It can be very difficult because you may be the only person that sees through them.  Good Luck!

Quit Negating Yourself!

Ever say something to yourself about something you are wanting to have or do and immediately saying that it will never happen? and finish the job by saying Why it will never come to be?  I do.  Move over if you think you have ever done this, as I have done this too consistently.

Why you talk yourself right out of it and it doesn’t have a chance.  Do you read about positive thinking and affirmations but figure they wouldn’t work for you anyway.   And when they don’t work do you tell people that you tried but they don’t work for you and you have given up visualizations and vision boards.  It only works for Oprah!

Have you ever dreamed up a special dress for a special occasion and worked on the idea changing things here and there in order to make it perfect?  I planned and planned additions to my old house and yes we did use one of them.  Later I started looking at double wides and multitudes of floor plans even visited many different sites so I could see the actual thing.  Yes, I wound up with one when we had to move.

Now I feel frustrated because there are things about our doublewide now that I would like to fix. And my husband would like to add a garage-above ground storm shelter.  Now I know what worked for me so I am going to do research and make plans for the needed addition and changes to the house.  It still needs some windows replaced which on one occasion, I would like to change the old picture window for a bay window.

We often spend more time proving why something we want to do don’t work than we spend on why something could work.

It’s Their Drama, Not Yours

I learned a valuable lesson today:  “It’s Their Drama, Not Yours!  I’m a fixer-upper by nature and it doesn’t hurt that I am in a helping profession.  “Did I hurt your feelings”  Whose feelings are they?  “You should have known in the first place that I didn’t want to do it!”  “So why didn’t you let me off the hook?”  Am I a bad guy because I should have known that even though they said,”Yes,”  They really didn’t want to do it.and they felt it was an imposition.

Now whatever you do, they get mad because you couldn’t read minds.  They take that load off their shoulders and put it on yours.  Now you end up feeling bad instead of them.  It is like a sudden rainstorm landed right above your head and you get soaked.  They wind up feeling better and you have accepted a part in their drama that you really didn’t want and really didn’t earn.

What if you had a really good time and thought they had too.  Whose fault is it?  It’s not yours and why didn’t they “fess up earlier that they didn’t want to be there.  Imagine you cooked a really good meal from a recipe you found and wanted to try and felt you had successfully mastered a good meal.  Then someone tells you that there was something in the meal that caused an untoward reaction in them and you should have known it would, but they didn’t remind you and ate it anyway.

Another person who ate the meal smiled and said that they liked it but really they didn’t like casseroles as they were a meat and potatoes type of person.  What happened is that you fixed a nice meal for a couple of ingrates.  What a waste of time! and now you get mad when you didn’t feel bad before.  Is it catching?  Drama attracts drama.  Sometimes no one is happy unless no one else is happy.

Is drama a disease?  Sometimes it is not so bad when the contagion involves happiness and success.  How about learning that someone is going to have a baby.  Whoops there was one person in the crowd who is childless and unable to get pregnant or better yet did successfully have a baby by in vitro fertilization and then lost it to SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).  This can be a wet blanket and the person with the news now feels bad that they even mentioned it in front of that person.

Some people even stage a situation so they can create drama.  This woman had a display of fragile glass perfume bottles on a coffee table and almost the first thing that she did was to call the toddlers present attention to it and if they would not have touched the perfume bottles in the first scenario; but they will now.  Possibly it will result in a broken bottle or two, maybe the most expensive ones.  The payoff in drama is superlative and the instigator is super comfortable in her innosence, but the others don’t know how she did it or even that she set it up.

See the previous post, “Leave the Drama to the Lama”.  Feelings can be catching; but often not in a good way.  Have you ever left a group when an argument became heated.  Some of these situations can leave you shell-shocked with PTSD  (post-traumatic stress syndrome).  This is what makes soap operas so exciting.  What will they stir up next?  Calm down.  Go listen to some soothing music, take walk in the park.  Make a quick exit back to where you are feeling good again.  If someone had a bad cold would you stand close to them, kiss them or maybe even drink out of their glass.  You wouldn’t expose yourself to that so don’t expose yourself to somebody’s drama.

Sometimes drama is fun like in movies or books; but you know it is not really happening in front of you.  You might get scared, laugh hysterically, or even shed a few tears but you know down deep that it isn’t real.  If you tend to take some things seriously, then you might avoid certain types of stories.  Me, I don’t like horror shows.  There are enough really scary things happening in real life.  Has anyone followed the news lately?