Suicide, What's The Matter
It sits badly with me, the idea of consigning people to hell for taking their own lives, or refusing to bury them in consecrated ground. Even among those who believe in reincarnation, there's rarely any gentler verdict. The thinking seems to be that the person will simply return and face the very situation that pushed them toward suicide in the first place. Lately I've watched certain politicians soften on homosexuality and same-sex marriage once they learned a relative was gay. So I wonder: might a few prominent people rethink their stance on suicide after losing a family member to it?
Suicide tends to happen during what some call the dark night of the soul. Mother Teresa went through something like that, though I can't say whether she ever considered ending her life. There was a stretch when I thought about offering up my own life, which I'd decided was worthless apart from that one use, so that other people might be saved. Martyrdom gets more credit than it deserves. The question that keeps returning to me is how a person arrives at the conclusion that they count for nothing.
We spend our days measuring ourselves against one another, always trying to come out ahead. For some, losing that contest is enough to tip them into wanting to die. Others carry so much torment inside that ordinary life feels like punishment. And there are people for whom a slow, so-called natural death looks unbearable, not only for the pain but for what it does to the family left behind, who end up grieving while also facing hospital and funeral bills. Combat veterans know this too, reliving the horror of what they saw with no pause between the replays.
None of this is me recommending suicide. What I want is for you to glimpse the frame of mind someone occupies while they're turning the idea over. From inside that place, every exit looks sealed except the last one. People in that state frequently believe they're entirely alone, that no friend remains, that every other route out has already been tried and failed.
Then again, consider the people, often those with personality disorders, who make repeated suicidal gestures without truly meaning to die. Even they can get the math wrong. A dose assumed to be survivable turns out to be fatal, or the rescuer they were counting on arrives too late.