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Balance theory

A Balance Theory Of Self-Esteem

I aselfesteemthinktoohighlyofselfm writing about the balance theory of self-esteem  because I did my thesis on it (but under another name).  High self-esteem exists when a person is able to take a balanced objective view of themselves of both the good things and the bad things about them and the successes and the failures they have had.  Defensive low self-esteem exists when a person only sees their successes as amounting to anything and overlooks or denies their failures.  The scale is over-balanced as far as they are concerned in favor of the “good” things that have happened to them and the things they have accomplished or succeeded at.  To most people,  low self-esteem exists when people discount the good things about them and the good things they have done and over emphasize the bad ones.  Both types of people with the two kinds of low self-esteem are not balanced in their views of themselves leading them to not see themselves in a realistic way and to their not having real high self-esteem.  It was measured by determining how often people chose on a self-esteem test to accept good and bad things about themselves.  They were then put in groups where they were given praise or criticism and it was determined how it effected them depending on their level of self-esteem.

Where do you fall on the balance theory of self-esteem.  Concentrating too much on failures or successes can put you out of balance in terms of self-esteem.  Do you have an inner critic who stops you from doing things (where you might have a chance of succeeding) or do you have a difficult time accepting constructive criticism?  Do you over rate or undervalue yourself?

I recommend that those of you who have low self-esteem with a “downer” point of view of yourself compose a list of compliments that you never got and give them to yourself once a day.  Ideally make list and put them on note cards and put one of them everyday where you can see it and remind yourself regularly of truly how great you are.  Better yet read them out loud and look at yourself straight in the face (use a mirror to do this).

If you have defensive high self-esteem, you truly are afraid of getting hurt which is what admitting that you were wrong about something would do to you.  Try writing a list of those things people have told you or are telling you that you need to change.  Everyday take one of these criticisms and consider it as if it were true.  What would that mean to you?  Consider that it might mean that other people would like you better.

Success and failure are close cousins.  They always keep company with each other.  Where one is the other is not far behind.  How many “successful” people live in fear that one day they will fail and lose it all.  How many one time “failures” learn from their failures and become successes?

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