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Centerpointe Research

change

Freedom From What?

Over the last several years, I have experienced freedom in several areas of my life.  In some cases I did not know that I was not free.  Free from annoying habits, extra weight, using a walker.  It all came as a surprise to me a few months ago although it had been building up for most of my adult life.

I “know” things better.  I am more observant.  I notice things that I used to miss.  I “see” things in life from a different point of view.  The great communication explosion has  helped me to do this by giving me the knowledge and experiences necessary for change.  If you are frightened of changing, you limit yourself to the tried and true but do not embrace the new.

How I used to think of things led me to be unhappy. I realized that I carried these habits and beliefs around like ancient, heavy luggage:  what made me mad; what would make me cry; what I needed, but didn’t have to make me happy.  It was like I was keeping score and things added up and made me miserable.

It is like I have a fresh clean slate and I can erase anything that I write on it that does not work for me.  Happiness is a state of mind when you are free from negativity.  Just because negativity is thrown towards you, you don’t have to hang onto it or throw it back.  Where possible let it go; act like you have an invisible Teflon shield.  You will move a lot easier in this world.  It happened to me.

 

 

luggage

luggage (Photo credit: sleepydisco)

 

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Reframing

How often do you reevaluate your life.  Is it working for you?  Are you the same person you were ten or fifteen years ago.  Do your friends and family know the real you?  Do you know the real you?  Where did the old you go?  Do you have to remain the same to avoid upsetting other people’s apple-carts?  Do you have to remain the same to avoid feeling guilty about what you might have done in the past that you wouldn’t do now?  If I change, does that mean that more than half of my life or three quarters of my life or maybe just the first eighteen years was wasted doing the wrong thing.

Life is fluid and changes as you change.  You change as life changes.  Which came first the chicken or the egg?  Change is inevitable.  Even if you don’t change, you can’t stop others from changing.  The mother goes back to work when the children have all started school.  The father has a midlife crisis.  One partner is confounded by the other partner’s desire to split up and finds that the other partner has been living a secret life.  Even if you resist it, change finds you.

Maybe you change first.  Knowing what I know now that I didn’t know then, I can’t behave the same way this time.  There is a strong desire in some if not all people for consistency and order in life.  To avoid the anxiety caused by uncertainty, people often allow someone or something to dictate what they should do.  This is why many times that young people are susceptible to cults.  It has all the answers and they don’t have to think for themselves.   The military might also serve this purpose with young recruits.

Chicken Or The Egg

Chicken Or The Egg (Photo credit: Becky F)

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Adjusting to Life as We Mature

Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity (Photo credit: gever tulley)

In my opinion, there is no unhappier person than one who can’t handle changes and (to go along with this) who can’t make timely decisions.  There is time when we get older when we should makes some decisions about our life which then would lead to changes.   It is good to know what you like but this shouldn’t  keep you from trying new things.  Children experience new things all the time and change what they do because of this.  There is no time limit on this as the brain keeps changing as we learn new things.  In science, this is called neuroplasticity.

Jane Fonda in her book, Prime Time, talks about doing a life history as a way of  seeing ourselves in a new way.  It shows what paths we took and where they led us.  Then we can decide if we want to make changes in our life.  For example, a woman discovers that she has always needed a man in her life (she has not felt self-sufficient) and she has gone from one relationship to another adjusting the way she acts and sometimes thinks to be a better fit in each new relationship and has lost her real self along the way.

If you bend, you might not break.  No one can count on everything going their way even if they know they are right and that’s the way it should be.  We can have comfortable routines but if we can not keep them,  we shouldn’t explode with negative affect like anger, tears, nd/or even rage.

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