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Blessings to Those Who Have Loved Ones Who Have Departed This Season

Death Valley

Death Valley (Photo credit: Frank Kehren)

It is a sad time of the year to lose a loved one.  It can make succeeding holiday seasons unhappy ones.  Those who have departed probably would not have wanted to ruin the holidays for you.  Rather the holidays should be a time to remember lost ones with warm memories of times past when you were blessed with their presence.

It is unfortunate, but true, that we can’t have everyone to be with us our entire lifetime.  Some people are with us only for a short time.  It is often a gift that they were with us or we were with them that long.  Often we can not predict when and where we will leave them or they will leave us.  When it happens, it is a shock to the system and we are often left numb.

Sometimes loved ones hang on long after they are ready to leave.  They do so to protect loved ones.  They need to see someone one last time or someone needs to see them one last time or in the case of an impending birth, they want to be there and experience the birth of a child or grandchild.

The timing of a death is sometimes, but not always, chosen by the person who is leaving this earth.  The person or persons who are left behind are often not aware of this and may feel rejected or guilty in response to the passing.  The deceased consciously or unconsciously chooses the time of death and  and who will or will not be there.  This decision is usually made with the best of intentions, but often those surviving don’t know about them and can misinterpret the circumstances surrounding the death.

Sudden deaths, violent deaths, accidental deaths, are the hardest to deal with and can lead to potentially life destroying grief for those who are left behind.  Those with a spiritual path can sometimes cope better with these things than those who don’t.  Those who have a spiritual path, must realize how hard it is for those who don’t and sympathize with them and not make it harder on them by saying that they should have been more spiritual.

Being thankful at the holiday season for all those souls who have touched my soul and who will touch my soul in the future.  Although I may have had you for what seemed like such a short time, I would rather have had you for the limited time I did than not to have had you at all.  Love you, Carol, little Jennifer, and baby-to-be Polnow.  You are always in my heart.

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Expect Less, Get More

christmas paint

christmas paint (Photo credit: cassie_bedfordgolf)

Holidays can be a big disappointment, especially if you have great expectations.  They can lead to a post-holiday period of depression.  If possible, enjoy people, not things.  Children and animals are a great source of enjoyment at anytime of the year, but things might get a little tense during the holidays.  Expect them to act up and be prepared for this by not expecting too much of them.  Children might miss nap times or go to bed too late or get up way early so as not to miss a moment of the excitement.  There can be too much stuff  and there might be fights over possession of it.  Excitement  can lead to bad manners and lapses in behavior such as in toilet training in children and animals.

If possible, spread the celebrating out over the holidays and include someone who has no one with whom to celebrate the holidays.  Put some of the new toys and gadgets up and bring them out later when the new has worn off the things that you left out.  Plan an outing for after the holidays.  Perhaps to pick out something like a pet or use a gift card.  If you are going to be alone after family and friends leave, save something to do or have as a treat for yourself then.

Simply your holiday plans and delegate some of the responsibilities.  Prepare for potential disasters.  If you are having small children at your celebration, you might want to child proof your house, your decorations, and your tree to some extent.  Remember little children often require someone to watch them and supervise them.  If you acknowledge this need, you won’t be disappointed when the adults don’t have as much of a chance to enjoy the celebration.  For some people, babysitting is the perfect Christmas gift.

Remember sometimes your time is the best gift you can give.  Whether you have somebody over or go to a celebration elsewhere, the best thing you can do is be there, be truly present.  I recently went to a Christmas program put on by a friend of mine and I watched, listened to, and appreciated the children’s performances even though I knew none of them.  Afterwards, my friend said she appreciated having a familiar face in the audience for her performance.


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