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Control freak

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly, Our Shadow Selves

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is a well-known...

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is a well-known spaghetti western (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The good, the bad, and the ugly sides of ourselves are reflected back to us in the mirror of life.  We all have shadow selves.  They are parts of ourselves that we often deny having.  When we are vehemently for something or against something.  This tells a lot about ourselves, especially what we are against.  What we are against reflects what we fear exists in ourselves, our shadow selves.  Read more about this in a book by Debbie Ford, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers.

What you absolutely can’t stand in someone else is what you absolutely can’t stand in yourself.  Control freak, narcissist, homosexual, you name it.  Anything that you dislike and can’t tolerate represents one of your shadow selves.  It is something that you fear that you might be or become.

Take the middle way as Buddha said.  Don’t give over all control to others and resent it.  Don’t always take control away from others and be hated for it.  Do everything in moderation.  Respect not only yourself, respect others too.    Spread love around but don’t forget to love yourself as well.

 

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Control Freaks, My Way Or The Highway

control freakDo you have problems around the issue of control? Do you live with a control freak or are you a control freak?  Indirectly you may be one if you let everybody else take control.  Are you flexible?  Do you want to reduce stress?  In order to get a task done, do you usually have to compromise?  Do you run upon people who you can’t count on even if they are a lot of fun to be with and they take control that way?  Does someone who throws a lot of  (you think unnecessary) paperwork at you and who demands that you follow numerous rules and regulations as well drive you crazy?

Do you stay in control by letting other people take control?  Do you ever think that you will get to a win-win solution for both yourself and the other person or persons involved?  Traumatic, isn’t it?  Have you ever felt like you were a doormat?  Everybody steps on you and then wipes their dirty feet on you?  Ready to quit working with these types of people and start over somewhere else where people aren’t like this?  With control freaks, it is my way or the highway.

I am a modified control freak when I need to get a task done and it is my duty, job, or responsibility or all three.  I once was put by myself in charge of three wards in the lunch room in an insane asylum while the other aides took a lunch break.  I stuck it out even though I got slapped in the face by a disorderly resident while I was on my own.  I always say, “The buck stops here,” like Harry Truman.  Being a mother or babysitting is also a situation where I have to maintain control especially concerning the safety of the child or children I am in charge of.  Sometimes in situations somebody has to take control and that person is you.  You may have never wanted the position, but somebody has to do it.

Everybody has to take a position on the control issue different from the one they are comfortable with sometime.  Maybe you should practice being less of a control freak or more of a control freak.  I know this takes you out of your comfort zone but the most growth usually occurs when you do that.  You may surprise yourself.

 

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Control Freak

control freak

control freak (Photo credit: h4cks)

Some things can’t be controlled, but a true control freak will rant and rave over it anyway.  For example, I once shared a hotel room with a snorer and I couldn’t fall asleep so I went into the bathroom, closed the door, and read a magazine.  That didn’t suit the snorer when she woke up and found what I had done.  Guess who was in trouble? Definitely not the snorer.  Me.  How irrational is that?  I was between a rock and a hard place.  There was nothing I could do to please her, except lay down in bed and pretend to be asleep which I had already tried doing.

Control freaks want to control what the other person feels, thinks and does and what the world does too.  This happens even if something unexpected and unavoidable happens.  Then they go off the deep end, generally taking with them as many people as possible.  Once you have had this experience going along for the ride, you will never forget it.

Drama queens are usually control freaks.  They can make a big deal about something when there is no need to do it.  It is all about them and how they feel and what they want.   Nobody elses’s  wishes or feelings matter.  There is usually nothing to make a fuss about, but they find something.  Sometimes they even brag about it saying something like, “I always get my way.”

I am not encouraging everybody else to give in to the control freak.  Your feelings and wishes count too.  It is just that the control freak just takes it for granted that nobody elses’ wants and desires matter.  They have center stage and they won’t give it up.

Have you ever been in a situation where a person is understandably upset and it  is plain that something needs to be done for that person immediately and everyone pitches in but the drama queen who makes it all about him or her.  The situation makes him or her so upset that sometimes people will stop helping the person who needs it and pay attention to him or her and do what he or she “needs” to have done.  For example, by saying, ” I can’t stand the sight of blood,” and saying that he or she is going to faint.  The person who is injured and bleeding gets the attention taken away from them and it goes to the other person.

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