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Date rape

Have Your Boundaries Been Crossed?

Cover of "Boundaries (Fireside/Parkside R...

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Men, have you ever been kidding a woman you had thought that you had known well and had what amounted to having your face slapped?  Did she get very quiet, refuse to help you anymore, or{ taking it to the extreme) call the  manager or the police?  Did you feel initially that your behavior was appropriate  and not in bad taste?  Women, have you wound up in a situation you didn’t intend to get into and (in an extreme cases of misunderstanding) been “” date raped“”?  Crossing someone else’s sexual boundaries unintentionally or unknowingly letting your own sexual boundaries  be crossed, can be signs that you learned inappropriate sexual boundaries and/or you had your sexual boundaries inappropriately crossed  as a child  leading to problems identifying sexual limits in  others and in establishing them for yourself.

Some sexual abuse is only partially remembered by the victims and some do not remember it at all.  Worse yet, victims  may not categorize some behaviors that they experienced as abusive especially when they do not know that sexual boundaries have been crossed.   Either parent can cross these boundaries with a child of either sex.  It has been said that sometimes it is physical abuse as a child that is easier to deal with because it leaves visible marks and sexual abuse as a child (as well as emotional abuse which will be a later topic of this blog) that  is harder to deal with because it usually does not leave marks.  Just saying, ”’No,”” is easier said than done.  Abusers count on child victims to not believe that they can not safely do that.

Thus you may have had your sexual boundaries crossed as a child and not known it.

 

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Dating Mistakes

Have you ever been interested in someone romantically just because other people are  interested in them too?   Maybe you have been allowing other people to do your thinking for you?  This is often true when people are  in school where, for example, people like athletes and cheerleaders are popular.  Would you have gone with someone like that just because everybody else wanted to date them and they were considered to be hot?  Would you have gone with them even if you really didn’t know anything about them?  Would you be surprised to find out later that you didn’t share the same values or goals?

Have you ever gone out with somebody just because they were available?   Have you ever dated just to date?  How serious were you about the other person?   Who devalued who by doing this?  Of course you might have been mistaken about this person and  found out that this person (after you went out with him or her) was a person you really wanted to date again.  Some times by going out with people just because we want a date teaches us something else good if our judgment wasn’t too bad in the first place and we didn’t end  up being hurt.  What we learn out of a bad date is what type of person we don’t want to be involved with in the future.  Many people with low self esteem think that a date with anybody is better than no date at all.   This choice could end  up badly with  a serious consequence like  date rape

 

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