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Centerpointe Research


Dating Mistakes

Have you ever been interested in someone romantically just because other people are  interested in them too?   Maybe you have been allowing other people to do your thinking for you?  This is often true when people are  in school where, for example, people like athletes and cheerleaders are popular.  Would you have gone with someone like that just because everybody else wanted to date them and they were considered to be hot?  Would you have gone with them even if you really didn’t know anything about them?  Would you be surprised to find out later that you didn’t share the same values or goals?

Have you ever gone out with somebody just because they were available?   Have you ever dated just to date?  How serious were you about the other person?   Who devalued who by doing this?  Of course you might have been mistaken about this person and  found out that this person (after you went out with him or her) was a person you really wanted to date again.  Some times by going out with people just because we want a date teaches us something else good if our judgment wasn’t too bad in the first place and we didn’t end  up being hurt.  What we learn out of a bad date is what type of person we don’t want to be involved with in the future.  Many people with low self esteem think that a date with anybody is better than no date at all.   This choice could end  up badly with  a serious consequence like  date rape


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Wrong Reasons for Getting Together

Most people learn how to date and how to get married by making mistakes and hopefully learning from them.  Establishing some guidelines would keep people from making so many mistakes ( some of which can be costly).  One mistake is thinking that you have to have a girlfriend or boyfriend and/or get married by a certain age.  Another is thinking that if someone asks you out or to marry them that you should say yes because you may not get another chance or the fear that no one else will ask you and you should take what you can get.  Not everyone has such low self esteem as to feel that way; but there are some people who may decide to get married because they don’t want to live on their own.  These people know that they can’t stay with mom and dad forever and they need to find someone to live with and take care of them for the rest of their lives.  If children were encouraged to live on their own for awhile after they finished school, to find a job to support themselves, and to move out of their family home into an apartment or house of their own, they might be better prepared for to be in a relationship or marriage when they did decide to make a home of their own.  Women used  to solve the question of what to do for the rest of their lives by getting married and becoming housewives.  At that time a lot of marriages took place right after women graduated from high school or college as school was considered a good place to find a mate.  Some people use marriage ( often aided by an accidental  pregnancy) to escape from one bad situation (usually a bad home life) into what is also another bad situation.  Knowing how to take care of yourself and waiting for the right person, not just anyone who presents themselves, makes the most sense.  Having a living together arrangement instead of a marriage leads to making the same or worse mistakes as getting married; because people often make the decision to live together much earlier in the relationship than they would make the decision to get married. How many people do you know that have said that right after they met so and so they moved in together? Few people marry someone just after meeting them, but they will live together.

Marriage in America in 2010

Marriage in America in 2010 (Photo credit: GEEKSTATS)

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