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The Maramus of Depression



Alone And Nobody Cares

Alone And Nobody Cares


From my point of view:

It takes many things to create true depression.  Genetics.  My Mom and grandma had it.  Also negative input creating insecurities and low self-esteem.

As a believer, could you hate yourself so much that you would want to commit suicide so that someone else would be saved.

This is beyond worthless.  Somewhere, some how you got the idea that you couldn’t get anybody else’s approval including your own and every time something happened that you thought confirmed that you didn’t grieve the loss and go on.  No, you were suicidal.

Depression and the sometimes resulting suicide are a dead end street.  A depressed person feels rightly so that they go down that street alone and no one would or should miss them.

Depressing isn’t it.

Some say depression is anger turned inward.  And when it boomerangs, the suicidal person can take someone or many someones with them.  Depressing isn’t it.

The person committing suicide this way may feel that they will not die in vain that way and that other people will feel the pain they feel.  I am not advocating this; but it can happen and people wonder why.

Lack of support, feeling isolated, unimportant combined with a chemical depression can be deadly especially if the person feels that they have no one and no where to express this any other way.

It can pass but like post-traumatic flashbacks can reoccur anytime without warning especially when a person is alone and vulnerable.

Handling depression takes a whole lot of support and these people feel that they do not get that.  Some people hide this vulnerability just because they are vulnerable.  It’s a “Catch 22.”

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Anger, The Source Of Depression?

rp_300px-Anger_Controlls_Him.jpgIs anger the source of depression?  Doesn’t it take a  lot of anger as the motivating force in order to kill yourself.  You can’t take it out on anybody else so you take it out on the only other possible victim, yourself!

Anger is the dark cloud that follows the depressed person around.  It is always raining on the depressed person’s parade.  When it is hard to feel happy (Some people say that this is genetically so for the depressed person) and sadness lingers longer for the depressed person than for the nondepressed person.

“Don’t rain on my parade” could be the motto for the depressed person.  The average depressed person; however, doesn’t see any way out.   Normal solutions for other people like creating a diversion like going for a walk, listening to some music, or watching a movie doesn’t serve as the distraction that it might serve for normal person who is upset and feels bad.rp_3775721812_ec64821eb7_m.jpg

As tragic as it sounds, “taking” someone with you is not an unthinkable solution for the depressed person because he or she is so angry.  Worse come to worse the most horrible solution is not taking just anyone with you, but taking your loved ones, your children with you.  It is a way of taking them out of this cruel world so they don’t have to suffer like the depressed person has.

Not being able to vent anger or modeling what parents, authority figures, and possibly peers have done is to blame the only one left to blame, themselves.  If you are not allowed to be angry and are in fact even more rejected if you try leaves no way out.  The beauty of the world is “blacked” out.  Not only is the depressed person chronically unhappy, but  they have been made to feel that the only one they have to blame is him or her self.rp_Anxiety.gif

This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that it is hopeless to try and do anything about being depressed.  Often venting about being depressed and hopeless and how needy you are only has one possible outcome driving other people away because they become tried of hearing this.  Also it usually also generates the creation of “Why don’t you, yes buts,” which is a game people play to insure that there is no solution for their plight which seems to be more important than finding one.  Because it justifies them having not found one before now.  (See the book, “The Games People Play.”)

Feeling responsible for having lived a lifetime of depression is hard to accept and/or give up.  If I am not the happiest person in the world, than I must be the unhappiest one.  This provides some justification for one’s helpless plight in life.

rp_Enjoy-life-foods.jpgIn conclusion, again could it be that some people have a harder time feeling happy than others and that it might be genetic.  Perhaps endorphins are not as easily released in some people as it is in others.  Another genetic possibility is that when unhappy some people have a harder time getting over it when their past experiences in trying to do so have been unsuccessful or prolonged so that the depressed person can’t predict an immediate or future good outcome when they are suffering in this way.

Last, but not least, depressed people may have had little success finding role models who are able to successfully handle depression by such things as distraction and avoiding ruminating about it.  Also parents and other role models may have added to this sense of hopelessness by focusing on their own inability or the depressed child’s inability to do anything about it and by reinforcing a poor self-concept.rp_8779146668_6e5def7ac9_n.jpg

You Can’t Take It With You

rp_300px-Anger_Symbol.jpgYou can’t take it with you.  Or can you?  Some people think they can and do.  Did you ever wonder why people shoot to kill other people and then commit suicide?  They are so angry inside that they want to die and to take other people with them.

Depression is anger turned inward.  It takes an awful lot of anger inside to want to kill yourself.  Anger when turned inward is very explosive and even more explosive when turned outward.

When a person feels hopeless, worthless, and maybe even consigned to hell, this generates a lot of anger at the world and the other people on it who either made him or her that way or who have or have had it better than him or herself.  This anger can then be directed outward at those hateful persons and the lucky stiffs.

The reason for this post is that I have often have had people say to me why do  people who commit suicide take other people with them?   Worse yet some people who commit suicide take the loved ones of people they are angry with with them in order to hurt these people even more than if they killed them.  These people have to then live the rest of their lives without their loved ones.

Please stop before you get that mad if you are depressed.



Clouds In Your Life

Worry, fear, blame, criticism, all these things, as well as others taking a negative point of view, can cloud your life in doom, gloom. rage, and depression.  As long as you let other people and other things cause you problems, you will lose control of how you feel about your life.  I have been there and I still go back there every now and then and sometimes more frequently than that.  Do you often think, “If only….” then I would be happy, feel safe, feel loved, be secure, be proud of myself…  You let your attitude depend on other things over which you do not have much control and you tend to lose control of your feelings.

In this world we live in in these United States, it is easy to think this way because the media, some of the people we have around us, and society itself tends to lean this way.  If we look outside our country, the news usually isn’t any better.  It is often worse.   As a result we often feel helpless.  We don’t realize that there is any other way to think or view life. There are or were some isolated societies like the aborigines in Australia who have or had some life philosophies and cultural beliefs that go or went with happier lifestyles.  Also some people have family, a religious community, or friends that think differently and offer support to help them develop and keep a better outlook on life.


Clouds-8 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Expect Less, Get More

christmas paint

christmas paint (Photo credit: cassie_bedfordgolf)

Holidays can be a big disappointment, especially if you have great expectations.  They can lead to a post-holiday period of depression.  If possible, enjoy people, not things.  Children and animals are a great source of enjoyment at anytime of the year, but things might get a little tense during the holidays.  Expect them to act up and be prepared for this by not expecting too much of them.  Children might miss nap times or go to bed too late or get up way early so as not to miss a moment of the excitement.  There can be too much stuff  and there might be fights over possession of it.  Excitement  can lead to bad manners and lapses in behavior such as in toilet training in children and animals.

If possible, spread the celebrating out over the holidays and include someone who has no one with whom to celebrate the holidays.  Put some of the new toys and gadgets up and bring them out later when the new has worn off the things that you left out.  Plan an outing for after the holidays.  Perhaps to pick out something like a pet or use a gift card.  If you are going to be alone after family and friends leave, save something to do or have as a treat for yourself then.

Simply your holiday plans and delegate some of the responsibilities.  Prepare for potential disasters.  If you are having small children at your celebration, you might want to child proof your house, your decorations, and your tree to some extent.  Remember little children often require someone to watch them and supervise them.  If you acknowledge this need, you won’t be disappointed when the adults don’t have as much of a chance to enjoy the celebration.  For some people, babysitting is the perfect Christmas gift.

Remember sometimes your time is the best gift you can give.  Whether you have somebody over or go to a celebration elsewhere, the best thing you can do is be there, be truly present.  I recently went to a Christmas program put on by a friend of mine and I watched, listened to, and appreciated the children’s performances even though I knew none of them.  Afterwards, my friend said she appreciated having a familiar face in the audience for her performance.


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