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fights

Set In Stone?

Are agreements set in stone?  How clear are the parameters and do all parties know them?  Clear communication is always your responsibility or otherwise it will come back to haunt you when there are costly misunderstandings in terms of time and/or money.  Worse yet, relationships can fall apart and even feuds can be created.  “I remember when she/he jipped me.  Don’t have anything to do with them.”  In working situations, valuable employees can be lost or a catastrophic mistake can be made.

I know I may come across as insecure or anxious, but I like to be sure of what was agreed upon.  I know when I show up for an appointment that the other party will be there, it is the right place and the right time.  I don’t make appointments just to break them.  It is better to call or contact the person or agency in some way to be sure you got the information right than to spare yourself personal embarrassment by admitting that you might be forgetful at times.

Often people have second thoughts, something that didn’t occur to them while they were making an agreement and yet might be big enough that it might queer the deal.  This person might never do what they promised to do because of this and when they back out (sometimes at the day and time when the agreed upon thing is to be done),  you might be up a crick without a paddle.

Sometimes we just give up when trying to solve a problem.  Tempers get high and people get nervous.  I, personally, don’t like to fight because I might get hurt.  We often say and do things in the heat of the moment that make the problem worse rather than focus on the problem and what can and can not be done about it.  We chastize the person or persons involved rather than mend fences.

For example when newly married, the toilet overflowed and  because of this, I got mad at my husband for not fixing it.  Lots of things happened,  The new carpet we had just put down got soaked and I tried to mop it up with towels which then had to be washed and I had no washer and drier at the house.  My husband was out working ignorant of the situation and I had plenty of time to get mad at him so I exploded when he got home.  This happens a lot in the first year of marriage.  As I look back on the incident, my husband probably was putting off fixing the toilet; but I was loaded for bear.

Book of Feuds

Book of Feuds (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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Do You Have to Win?

Young Couple in Relationship Conflict

Young Couple in Relationship Conflict (Photo credit: epSos.de)

Why does every fight have to end with someone winning and someone losing?  Why is the ultimate goal of every argument is to have it your way?  Women often feel it is this way with men.  Why do some women say, “Yes dear”, but don’t really mean it.  No one likes to lose and to give in without a fight; but what if the conclusion is foregone and the fight, useless.

What if the goal is to make up your own mind and then what you decide is right for you or do you feel that you have to capitulate when having a disagreement in order to end it?  The word disagreement in another form is disagreeable.  Or as the grandchildren would say, “Not nice.”  The resulting feelings are anger, fear, anxiety,  grief, or sorrow.   Doesn’t make you feel good does it or if it does make you feel good, how does it make the other person feel?  Bad?  In these fights, someone always ends up s… out of luck and probably ready for another fight in the future.  Is that why people often bring up old grudges when talking about a current problem?

 

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