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Centerpointe Research


It Is All About Me

Is it all about me or is it all about you either can reflect a biased perspective.  From caring too much what other people think to not caring about other people at all unless you need and/or are getting something from them from an emotional reaction, their full attention, to an inheritance.

I have always thought about hospital visitors.  When they begin talking about their own past hospitalizations and current maladies, they monopolize and take center stage.  No matter how sick the other person is, how horrific their injuries, the persons in the hospital room are monopolizing the conversation and often the person who is ill needs to rest or have some medical treatment and the hospital patient feels he or she can’t do it while the “company” is there.

What is also “sick” is when it is with a parent and adult child and the roles are reversed for once.  At that time the parent is reasonably well and you would think be concerned about the child’s welfare.  For example, a daughter is having a baby and only wants, her husband, her friend (who has been through this herself), and the medical staff to be there during labor and delivery.  If you were the mother would your feelings be hurt and would you pressure the daughter also have you in the room at that time declaring that your rights and privileges as a grandparent take precedence.


Monopoly (Photo credit: Mike_fleming)

Sometimes you need to take care of you no matter what other people may feel or think.  I think that at the end stage of delivery when the mother is preoccupied with her own discomfort, her health, and that of the baby is a time when she usually forgets about who is there to see the baby being born, that her  language ought to be appropriate, being embarrassed by showing off her feminine parts, etc.  When that happened to me.  All bets were off.  What I said and did were normal at this time.  (Please note it is nice to have an ombudsman present who can speak for the mother and her rights and needs, when she is having trouble remaining conscious.)

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Protecting Yourself from Pain

Defending your point of view to protect yourself from pain can prevent you from facing and solving a problem.  We all want to avoid pain, especially the painful truth.  Sometimes we get into a situation where we offend someone without realizing it and  the person involved feels that they can’t reach you because you become so defensive when he or she tries to tell you about it.

This appears to happen more frequently with men because they are more accustomed to taking a stand on things and defending them.  Women are more used to giving in to men when forced to argue about something they differ about.  Women may still disagree with men after giving in to them; but they don’t tell men that.  Both don’t change their minds, but men are more open about it.

Frequently we feel very guilty that we hurt someone’s feelings and we find it hard to admit to it.  We, especially men, would like to explain it away.  Men will continue to hold on to their story which explains why they couldn’t have hurt someone’s feelings even though the person says they did.  It is hard to forgive yourself if and when you admit that you misread the situation and came across as an unfeeling lout or crazy stalker.  Taking this stance makes it more likely the person will make the same mistake in the future in a


Pain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

similar situation with either the same or a different person.  Personal growth groups or therapy groups are a place where a person can get confronted on this and encouraged to accept it.  Often feedback is not accepted in everyday situations where it takes the form of confrontation because it is too painful.


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