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Take Your Own Advice! Nobody Else Can Use It So Well!

 

Road Rage As An Example

Road Rage As An Example

(Short;  but not too sweet.)

Do you ever listen to what you say to others?  Did you ever try to take your own advice?  What kind of advice you give can be very self-revealing.  Carefully done it is like looking in a mirror and seeing yourself reflected there, not someone else.

What are the problems that you see others as having that bother you the most?  Could it be very revealing to list them and see if you often have them too?  Make a list of the things that bother you the most.  Put them somewhere where you can look at them.  Either inside a cupboard door or the bathroom cabinet door  or out on a mirror where you will get a chance to look at it every day.

Ever hear someone say, “I don’t see why someone should do something or something should be done about that?, ” and it is clearly descriptive of what the person them-self needs to do or have done.

Don’t let yourself read this with a self-satisfied smirk as you apply it to someone else and forget who this is really about!  “You!”  Whose behavior can you really change?  “Yours!”

Mine is to tell the truth, sometimes the hardest thing for me to do, as I fear and think that I can’t handle rejection.  Why do we reject others, when we don’t want to be rejected ourselves?

Passing Judgment Versus Discernment

judge-not-discernmentDiscernment is deciding what is right or wrong for yourself; passing judgment is deciding what is right or wrong for others.  Do we put our noses in everybody’s business?  Can you pass by people without some critical, negative thought about them coming through your mind.  Worse yet, are you passing judgment on yourself before somebody else does it.  There always is some flaw or fault we can find in ourselves or others.

Giving advice comes naturally but for what purpose?  Do we want to make ourselves feel good?  To say what the other person is thinking of us before they get to say it in a way that will be even more self damaging for us.  Advice needs to be  lightly given with no expectation of acceptance.  Not to make a bad situation worse by interfering in someone’s life.  It makes us feel more powerful but to what end?

Do you ever pass judgment on yourself and utter it in a self effacing way, before someone else does it.  You try to say what the other person is thinking before they get to say it in a way that will be even more damaging than if you said it.  Joking and making fun of oneself is an example of this.  This can lead into your faults becoming the source of jokes for others to make about you to put you down; but the catch twenty two is the comment that is always made if you don’t laugh with them, “What’s the matter can’t you take a joke. ”

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It’s All About You

Thinking

Thinking (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn)

I was raised to think that my first thought should be, “What will other people think?” when I did something.  I grew up thinking that “other people” were more important than me.  Yes, my parents were included in that important group of people that I should always defer to; but even my parents were not as important as “other people” were.

This continued on into my adult life as long as my parents were alive.  This was the main consideration my mother had when I told her that I was going to get a divorce.  She was more concerned with the stigma that being divorced would give me among her friends and family than she was with my well being.

Back when I was first married, I remember coming home to visit my parents by myself and I was wearing a brand new bright red maxi coat which I dearly loved and when it became time to go to church the next day, my mother said, “You are not going to wear that,” and she actually expected me to wear instead one of my old coats that I had left at her house.  I stood up for myself and I told her that I was not going to church if I couldn’t wear my new coat.

When I remarried and had children and we were visiting my mother and the other grandchildren were coming to visit too, my mother would become critical of my children and not the others.  We were glad when we could leave and escape being found wanting when compared to the rest of the family.  Oh, believe it or not, later after she died, my cousins told me that she secretly bragged on my children when we weren’t there.  I know she was raised to think that way and her growing up experience was not easy as my grandmother (her mother) was often sick and withdrawn from the family leaving her and her sister with the help of their father who had to work to  fend for themselves.  I am sure she didn’t know what to tell other people when they asked what was wrong.

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Oh, Heck, Here I Am Being Judgmental Again

Did you know that when you are not being judgmental, you are being judgmental?  Just when you think you have it all together, you don’t.  If you are judging those people who you think are judgmental, then aren’t you also being judgmental?

“Let him who is without sin cast the first stone” comes from the Bible. (I remember the essences of the Bible verses I learned as a child, but usually not where to find them.)  It is pretty tricky to examine the shortcomings of others without revealing your own.

Pride, the “I am better than you” feeling, is easy to overlook when we think we are being virtuous.

In some sense, we all are pretty common and share a lot of “faults” of others that we think that only other people have, not us.

We want to stand out among others as personifying only the good things in life assigning the bad things to others than ourselves.

I don’t think “saints” spend a lot of time examining the consciences of others, just their own.

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