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Centerpointe Research

Mother Teresa

Maybe, You Are Where You Were Meant To Be

Did you ever wish you were in somebody else’s shoes.  I have.  But you know, they just might not fit.  With the internet, reality shows, newspapers, and magazines, we probably just haven’t realized that we might know too much about people we used to think that we would like to be and it’s not good.  Fame, things don’t buy happiness and some of these people have not learned this yet.

Do They Fit?

Do They Fit?

Envy and jealousy eat away at your happiness.  Society says, “Don’t be satisfied with what you have got.  Don’t cultivate a feeling of gratitude for these things.”  However, this is your real path to happiness.  Many successful people do this and then realize down the line that while they had stuff, fame, and fortune, they never had time to enjoy it.  They were too busy seeking more of the above and many have found out they were not working for themselves, but others who depended on them.

Do you choose your friends and admirers or do they seek you?  What is the payback?  Some hangers on depend on the fact that you have poor judgment and will take them on and will essentially work for you.  I know a reputable psychic who appears to be compelled to do readings (for which she gets a hefty fee), to support her own church, to keep releasing new books, and to keep up an exhausting schedule of appearances and she is at a point in life where she needs to sit down and smell the roses.  I used to envy her until I realized this.

People have been taught to idolize and sometimes even worship other people and have been encouraged to model themselves after them.  Today they are more often called teachers or mentors.  We all have flaws and the most saintly of us have readily admitted this.  Mother Teresa knew that she wasn’t always perfect and that her life wasn’t always perfect.  Even Jesus on the cross asked that his Father would take this cup from him.  Even if you are not religious, you still may realize that the most famous people, the most powerful people, the ones with the most influence and wealth can’t always have what they want or live the way they want and there is nothing they can do about it.

One of the biggest pleasures in life is to do what you love doing (hopefully making enough money to be able to keep doing this), to have true friends and family around you, and to have a philosophy about life that enables you to keep doing this.  One size does not fit all so wear your own shoes that you have already broken in.

I will take this further at www.mutualspiritualaffinity.com where I am more open about my spiritual beliefs.

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Guilt And How It Sidetracks Forgiveness

Forgiveness Mandala by Wayne Stratz

Forgiveness Mandala by Wayne Stratz (Photo credit: Nutmeg Designs)

Did you ever think about how guilt sidetracks you and keeps you from forgiving yourself?  Many people have difficulty forgiving themselves if they feel guilty about something.  This can be a tremendous burden to bear and it prevents many people from letting go and moving on.  Many people feel that in order to be forgiven that the slate must be wiped clean and the alleged transaction forgotten.  If they can’t forgive themselves and forget, why should anybody else forgive them?

For some people to admit that they might have done something wrong destroys their self-esteem and makes them feel valueless.  They are their own worst critics and to say that they did something wrong can be self-destructive.  Having done a lot of psychotherapy in my life and having been in psychotherapy, the things that are the hardest to admit are the things that we can’t stop feeling guilty about.  Often therapy reaches a stumbling block when one of these issues needs to be brought up.

Sometimes people admit that they secretly are their own worst critics.  Then it follows that if they beat themselves up about something, that other people should tell them that what they did was not so bad after all.  When this isn’t true, therapy often can’t move forwards.  The pain of the self-remorse is so great that they feel that no one would ask them to take the next step forward and say that what they did, thought, or said was egregious.  They think how can anybody love me if I did that if I can’t forgive and love myself?

What is worst is that sometimes in order unconsciously to prove that what they did was not that bad, they continue to do it.  Thereby burying themselves deeper and deeper in the morass of guilt and self-blame.  Take sexual harassment for example, the person involved can’t conceive of themself as a careless cad so they don’t change their behavior.  It was just a joke or something that all girls ask for by their behavior or form of dress.  They don’t realize that the buck stops with themselves no matter who the other person is or what the other person does.  Anyway it is just their perception of the other person that they are responding to and it may actually be schewed.

There is no one here on earth (except Christ, who is here only in spirit, but not in the flesh like the rest of us) who is blameless and self-sacrificing.  Mother Teresa admitted to faults and she was always working on them.  I am sure Pope Francis would say something much the same.

The key to changing this behavior is forgiving yourself and once this is done the repetition compulsion loses it’s steam.   This also makes it easier to forgive others when you realize that in some ways you are no different from them.  In Christianity, God offers forgiveness for people’s sins but often people don’t accept it because that would involve admitting that they really did something wrong.  Forgiveness is free; accepting it is personal choice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Competition To Be Worthy Or Unworthy

A "whimsy" from a nautical-themed wo...

A “whimsy” from a nautical-themed wooden jigsaw puzzle. Puzzle by The Wentworth Wooden Jigsaw Company Limited (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you want to be the most important person in the world or do you take the other tack and perceive yourself as the most unworthy person in the world?  With both points of view people set themselves as apart from the rest of the world and because of this, can be seen as egotistical.  People would rather be seen as better or worse than everyone else than not being seen and invisible.  This seems to be the worst possible fate for many people.

It is hard to be the best or the worst of anything.  Mother Teresa?  Hitler?  That must mean we are failures before we even start.  However, if you take the point of view that you are unique, that you have a purpose in life that only you can fulfill, and that the jigsaw puzzle of life will not be complete without your piece, then you are special and nobody else can take your place.

We are often raised to be jealous of one another.  “Why aren’t you more like Heather or Ralph?”  “If it weren’t for you, I could be doing what I wanted.”  Sometimes this sentiment is drilled so far into us that we think of our selves as worthless.  But the most worthless person in the world?  Probably not.

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