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parent-child relationships

Knowing Your Parents

Wes Jackson and Jane Fonda (Photo by Joan Halifax)

Wes Jackson and Jane Fonda (Photo by Joan Halifax) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Prime Time

Prime Time (Photo credit: raulmahon)

Doing a personal autobiography could help you with this.

I knew that knowing your parents was important from my studies of psychology; but I found this difficult to do earlier in my life.  I could not go home for a visit without having at least one disagreement with my mother.  This wasn’t a problem with my father as I lost him much earlier and when I called home I always talked to my mother and she would tell my father what I had said.  I was always a puzzle to my father anyway and he often did not know or understand exactly what I was doing and/or why I was doing it.

“Knowing Your Parents, ” sounds like the start of a self-help book, possibly an autobiography, doesn’t it,  When I do it, I will have to let you know; but the story keeps changing as I live my life.  I see my story from new and different advantage points as I go along.  As I became a parent as I grew older, I understood things about my parents I didn’t understand when I wasn’t a parent.

Someone who actually did this was Jane Fonda in her book, “Prime Time.”  I don’t know why I picked up this book as I didn’t like Jane Fonda or what she stood for at the time.  I didn’t think the book would be a self-help book and even if it was, I didn’t think she would have any good advice to give.  I was surprised to find that Jane Fonda had obtained some perspective on her life, on why she had done certain things, and why she doesn’t think the same way now that she did earlier in her life.  In her book, she basically encourages people to write their life stories and to see what kind of insights about themselves they can get by doing this.

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Getting Upset Over Something

loveyouradultchildrenGetting upset over something sometimes means you have a tender heart.  I see you getting upset over something and it breaks my heart.  No, I am not upset over what upset you for what could I do to keep that from happening to you?  Getting upset over something small seems to be your fate and when I get involved, it seems to be too late.

Getting upset over something that happens to you seems to be my problem too.  I don’t want to see you hurt and what hurts you hurts me.  The first time it happened (or when it first happened in a big way) it ruined my day.  I cried with you and sobbed my heart out.  It was terrible that I couldn’t do anything to mend your heart on my part.

When you (the keeper of my heart) get upset over something about which you can do nothing and which was not really your fault at the start, it is harder to do something about it as you never had control to start with. You can do little, if anything, about it now.  You are upset when someone does something for you and it doesn’t work out and you know there is no way you can fix it after the fact.  I feel bad for you and here I am getting upset over something that I didn’t cause in the first place just like you and I can’t fix it either.  Getting upset over something is easy to do and harder to fix when it is not you.

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