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Centerpointe Research


Lies Or A Form of Protection?

A person may break your heart and damage your ...

A person may break your heart and damage your pride, but never ever give them the power to break your spirit. (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

I have been thinking recently about truthfulness.  Lies can be sins of omission (not admitting to something when you should) and commission (telling lies when you should tell the truth).  Lying is something we learn to do by imitating the behavior of others.  Sometimes it is just a form of teasing and is done hopefully with a sense of fun and it is not meant to hurt the feelings of the person being teased.  Yet, there are people who use this excuse when they really intend to hurt the other person, but don’t want to be blamed for doing it.  It is also something we learn to do when we fear the consequences of telling the truth.  Taken a step further it is something we do to get somebody to do something that they wouldn’t do if they knew the truth.  In our society some lies are punished severely, namely, perjury, and others are permitted and if they harm the person being lied to, it is that person’s fault for believing them.  Namely, scams, and con games.  Taking money from a person who might not want to give it to you by threatening to shoot him or her is a crime punishable by imprisonment while using lying as a form of business practice is often acceptable and if is punished by the courts, it is often with a monetary settlement in a civil court.

Lies in one’s personal relationships can also be exploitative, but sometimes, they are used as a form of protection to avoid feelings of guilt and shame and sometimes even outright rejection by others whose support we feel we can not do without.  Children are very vulnerable.  They start out in life unable to meet their own needs and dependent on others to do this for them.  There is a fine line between teaching right from wrong and rearing a child with conditional love.  Thinking back on my own growing up, I realize that I felt insecure and did not feel self-confident at the times when I should have been able to tell the truth, but but choose not to even though I feared eventually being discovered.

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Do You Think About What You Do

Defence mechanisms

Defence mechanisms (Photo credit: kevin dooley)

Or do you just do it?  Is your intuition leading you in the right direction?  Or are you often finding that your intentions are misunderstood?  You don’t always create the right impression.  You can’t make the other person react the way you want them to react and/or make them react the way other people have reacted in the past for you.

You need to be alert and sensitive as to how the other person you are dealing with is accepting your contribution.  The sooner that you pick up on the fact that this particular action of yours is not going over well or being taken in the way that it has been taken by others in the past the sooner you can set things right.

Often people blame the other person for not taking it well and don’t consider their own contribution to the problem.  This leads to the use of various defense mechanisms by the person who does not recognize that acknowledging the other person’s reaction is better than denying it, rationalizing it away, or forcing the other person to accept their interpretation of it.

This often happens in abusive situations where the aim of the person is to control the other person’s behavior.  Passive aggression and mental abuse often accompany this type of behavior.  This person, rather than admitting that he or she did something wrong as far as the other person was concerned, continues to reinforce the idea that they were just teasing, were misunderstood, or didn’t mean what he or she said.




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