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Centerpointe Research

Suicide

Robin William’s Suicide, Completely Misunderstood!

(No media have been added because to do so might  make light of this tragedy by focusing on the “clown” not the person.)

Laugh clown, laugh.  Could it be that comedians and persons with depression who commit suicide are some of the most misunderstood people in the world.

We all enjoy laughter.  It has even been proven scientifically to help people fight cancer.  Why do we laugh when others put themselves down?  Why do we laugh when we put ourselves down or worse yet why do others put us down and expect us to laugh about it?

What people don’t realize is that if people feel threatened enough to put us down that we may be more powerful and talented than we think.  Otherwise why we would be seen as such a threat?

Things people say about us create mind chatter.  It may even have a little truth in it.   Also most of us  believe it is better to laugh than to cry.  But why would someone who loves us do this to us anyway?

Have you ever been told that you don’t have a sense of humor when other people make jokes about you at your expense.  Maybe it is a way for comedians to control being put down this when they make fun of themselves.  Other comedians ridicule others to get the same thing.

Deep underneath what does it do to one’s self-esteem?  As the thoughtless mind chatter is repeated over and over, it can become the truth at least from our point of view and maybe others too.  Ridicule is not funny and eats at your insides.  It is worse enough when others do it to you but what about when you do it to yourslelf.  Traitor!

When you get real good at it, how can you stop yourself when other people begin to expect that you will put your show on any time, any place.  Can you imagine a comedian at his or her spouse’s funeral making a joke of it.  I can. What a Sad Sack.

If you get recognition and also re-numeration for it; it must be be worthwhile  and it often becomes who you are.  Then why are you so unhappy?  Why would you commit suicide to get out of the situation?  You can’t or shouldn’t always take work home with you; but comedians do.  On top of that no one wants to cry with you when all they expected from was a few good laughs.

Imagine a prostitute who doesn’t enjoy her work.  Doesn’t a comedian somewhat prostitute him or her self to make it in the world.  You can’t just pretend to be or act happy to be happy.  Only the real thing works.

On top of this, put depression, the dark night of the soul when a person feels hopeless, like the worst person in the world ,and possibly even deserving of hell if they commit suicide,  even if it doesn’t seem reasonable to others.  It is a job  hazard associated with being a comedian especially if the depression feeds a dark sense of comedy which makes other people laugh at and accept him or her.  This could be considered as reinforcement for being depressed.  Drugs are also a way to self-medicate and they work for awhile but eventually can  lead to self destruction and death and/or an “accidental” way of committing suicide.

Add to this the possibility that a person is not only severely depressed at times but also has manic states, possibly extreme manic states, which fuel their comedy and creativity and impair their judgment.  Often to medicate this state results in killing the goose that lays the golden egg.

Please do not condemn Robin Williams for ending his life as he saw it and not as we think we understand it.  Aren’t suicidal people often in hell on this side before they ever go to the other side?  Who are we to condemn them?

 

You Can’t Take It With You

rp_300px-Anger_Symbol.jpgYou can’t take it with you.  Or can you?  Some people think they can and do.  Did you ever wonder why people shoot to kill other people and then commit suicide?  They are so angry inside that they want to die and to take other people with them.

Depression is anger turned inward.  It takes an awful lot of anger inside to want to kill yourself.  Anger when turned inward is very explosive and even more explosive when turned outward.

When a person feels hopeless, worthless, and maybe even consigned to hell, this generates a lot of anger at the world and the other people on it who either made him or her that way or who have or have had it better than him or herself.  This anger can then be directed outward at those hateful persons and the lucky stiffs.

The reason for this post is that I have often have had people say to me why do  people who commit suicide take other people with them?   Worse yet some people who commit suicide take the loved ones of people they are angry with with them in order to hurt these people even more than if they killed them.  These people have to then live the rest of their lives without their loved ones.

Please stop before you get that mad if you are depressed.

 

 

Who Are You? Does anybody Know?

It's Still Like a Secret

It’s Still Like a Secret (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The secret, sacred self is highly guarded.  There are lots of things about yourself that even you don’t know.  Life is a process of discovery.  When you let someone into your secret, sacred self (even yourself), you are very vulnerable.  It could be deadly.  People have committed suicide over feeling rejected, not only by others, but also by themselves.  What is so unacceptable about you.  What can’t you admit about yourself (even to yourself) that is so dangerous?

There used to be encounter groups of all kinds, often not run by qualified group therapists.  Confrontation was often the style of group process.  People got hurt mentally and physically when they had to admit the worse about themselves and some terrible deep dark secret was revealed.  Sometimes the person was released from the session to grin and bare it alone.  Reliable, reputable groups did not do this but were there when the sessions ended to handle the fall out.  They were there to catch the recent participants before they fell to far.

What is so unacceptable about us?  Who led us when we were little children to accept the fact that we were unacceptable for some reason and to keep it a secret.  Unconditional love handles the whole problem.  Is there any sin that can’t be forgiven?   We often build walls around ourselves which prevent people from getting too close and discovering our unacceptable secret sins.  Confession is good for the soul.  It might even be that what you did did not hurt anyone in spite of what you thought at the time.

There are astonishing stories about victims’ families that forgave the person who took their child or family member from them and even took the perpetrator into their own family circles.  If they can do that, what is holding you back?  What kind of conceit is it that says that you (among all the evil people in the world) do not qualify for forgiveness and for unconditional love?  Unconditional love is just that, unconditional love.

If you are religious, who are you to tell God that he can’t forgive you and accept you (and your shortcomings) among all people in creation?  Nuff said!  Move over; there has got to be somebody in worse shape than you.  If you don’t believe me, read something on satanic ritual abuse.  Second thought, don’t.  It can creep you out.

Psychotherapy‘s ultimate goal is to forge a relationship between the patient and the therapist that is strong enough to withstand any revelation to the therapist by the patient.  If the therapist has been in business of psychotherapy long enough, he or she has heard it all.  Nothing surprises him or her anymore let alone what you have to tell him or her!  This confession is often the real beginning of the therapeutic relationship, not the end.

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Suicide, What’s The Matter

I have a hard time with condemning people to hell and with not burying suicide victims in a consecrated cemetery.  Even those who believe in reincarnation do not give an

inch.  Victims have toDetail of The Death of Socrates. A disciple is...

come right back and deal with the same situation that was associated with their suicides.  I have noted recently a change in attitudes toward homosexuality and homosexual marriage by politicians who have discovered that at least one member of their family is a homosexual.  What next?  Will there be a change in some prominent people’s attitudes towards suicide when one of their family dies that way?

Suicide is often committed when people are experiencing the dark night of their soul.  Mother Teresa had one of these experiences, but I don’t know if she thought of taking her own life when it happened.  At one point I even thought of giving my own life (which I felt was worthless except for this purpose) so that others could be saved.  Martyrdom is overrated.  How can people come to think of themselves as so worthless?

People are constantly competing with each other to be better than somebody else.  Some people become suicidal when they think that they have lost this competition.  Others have so many demons that their life is torture.  For some people dying a “natural” death is so agonizing and costly for the survivors that they want to save themselves from the torture and not handicap the survivors who are already grieving with medical and funeral bills. Combat veterans realistically relive the horrifying nightmare of combat over and over again without any relief.

Believe it or not, I am not encouraging suicide.  I am just trying to get you to see the state of mind that some people are in when they are thinking about suicide.  At the time, there appears to be no way out, but suicide.  Suicidal people often feel that they are alone and friendless and have exhausted all other ways to solve their problems.

Wait a minute.  There are  people (often with personality disorders) who repeatedly make suicidal gestures, but even they can miscalculate and commit suicide when they didn’t intend to.  A dosage they thought was not lethal turns out to be lethal or the person that they counted on to rescue them does not turn up on time.

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Overcome With Emotion

English: emotions

English: emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Decisions made in the heat of the moment are often regretted.  When you are overcome with emotion, you can sometimes make drastic, life threatening decisions.  It is recommended when you have a big life stress or change, that you make no decisions at the time that can’t be revoked or changed later.  For example, widows and widowers often rashly select a new mate, because they feel uncomfortable being by themselves after being used to  having someone around to share the responsibilities of life.  A home can feel very empty and a person can become very lonely.  I can think of two widows I know of that did just this and ended up getting  divorces even though they had both enjoyed  long married lives with their first husbands.

Of course the emotions I am talking about are usually the “bad” ones, rage, anger, anxiety, fear, self deprecation, depression, or feeling suicidal.  At the time, the person almost always feels cut off from other people and resources.  Sometimes, I think almost everyone needs a therapist or a therapy group with a good leader.  In AA, there are sponsors that alcoholics can call when they have an overriding urge to drink.  Drinking is usually done to deal with uncomfortable emotions and though it might get rid of them for a time, they come back especially when and if the alcohol wears off.  Please note that drinking is also done by people with poor social skills to make themselves comfortable and outgoing in social situations.  The use of drugs and alcohol  and other addictions can frequently be a way to self-medicate.   They are a way to change what you’re are feeling at the moment, but they don’t last; and later the person feels that he or she has to self-medicate again.

Some potentially disastrous things a person can do when over come by uncomfortable or unacceptable emotions are murder, suicide self-injury, over indulgence in mood altering substances or activities which often create even more problems such as depleting  resources needed for everyday living, interfering with necessary daily activities such as work, child care, etc., and causing serious health problems.

As important as learning skills to deal with emotions is, we do very little about it.  We frequently leave people to suffer by themselves and to find their own inadequate, sometimes dangerous, solutions.  Relaxation techniques, meditation, mindfulness,, anger management skills, all can be used.  There are also many others that counselors recommend.

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