The secret, sacred self is highly guarded. There are lots of things about yourself that even you don’t know. Life is a process of discovery. When you let someone into your secret, sacred self (even yourself), you are very vulnerable. It could be deadly. People have committed suicide over feeling rejected, not only by others, but also by themselves. What is so unacceptable about you. What can’t you admit about yourself (even to yourself) that is so dangerous?
There used to be encounter groups of all kinds, often not run by qualified group therapists. Confrontation was often the style of group process. People got hurt mentally and physically when they had to admit the worse about themselves and some terrible deep dark secret was revealed. Sometimes the person was released from the session to grin and bare it alone. Reliable, reputable groups did not do this but were there when the sessions ended to handle the fall out. They were there to catch the recent participants before they fell to far.
What is so unacceptable about us? Who led us when we were little children to accept the fact that we were unacceptable for some reason and to keep it a secret. Unconditional love handles the whole problem. Is there any sin that can’t be forgiven? We often build walls around ourselves which prevent people from getting too close and discovering our unacceptable secret sins. Confession is good for the soul. It might even be that what you did did not hurt anyone in spite of what you thought at the time.
There are astonishing stories about victims’ families that forgave the person who took their child or family member from them and even took the perpetrator into their own family circles. If they can do that, what is holding you back? What kind of conceit is it that says that you (among all the evil people in the world) do not qualify for forgiveness and for unconditional love? Unconditional love is just that, unconditional love.
If you are religious, who are you to tell God that he can’t forgive you and accept you (and your shortcomings) among all people in creation? Nuff said! Move over; there has got to be somebody in worse shape than you. If you don’t believe me, read something on satanic ritual abuse. Second thought, don’t. It can creep you out.
Psychotherapy‘s ultimate goal is to forge a relationship between the patient and the therapist that is strong enough to withstand any revelation to the therapist by the patient. If the therapist has been in business of psychotherapy long enough, he or she has heard it all. Nothing surprises him or her anymore let alone what you have to tell him or her! This confession is often the real beginning of the therapeutic relationship, not the end.
Decisions made in the heat of the moment are often regretted. When you are overcome with emotion, you can sometimes make drastic, life threatening decisions. It is recommended when you have a big life stress or change, that you make no decisions at the time that can’t be revoked or changed later. For example, widows and widowers often rashly select a new mate, because they feel uncomfortable being by themselves after being used to having someone around to share the responsibilities of life. A home can feel very empty and a person can become very lonely. I can think of two widows I know of that did just this and ended up getting divorces even though they had both enjoyed long married lives with their first husbands.
Of course the emotions I am talking about are usually the “bad” ones, rage, anger, anxiety, fear, self deprecation, depression, or feeling suicidal. At the time, the person almost always feels cut off from other people and resources. Sometimes, I think almost everyone needs a therapist or a therapy group with a good leader. In AA, there are sponsors that alcoholics can call when they have an overriding urge to drink. Drinking is usually done to deal with uncomfortable emotions and though it might get rid of them for a time, they come back especially when and if the alcohol wears off. Please note that drinking is also done by people with poor social skills to make themselves comfortable and outgoing in social situations. The use of drugs and alcohol and other addictions can frequently be a way to self-medicate. They are a way to change what you’re are feeling at the moment, but they don’t last; and later the person feels that he or she has to self-medicate again.
Some potentially disastrous things a person can do when over come by uncomfortable or unacceptable emotions are murder, suicide self-injury, over indulgence in mood altering substances or activities which often create even more problems such as depleting resources needed for everyday living, interfering with necessary daily activities such as work, child care, etc., and causing serious health problems.
As important as learning skills to deal with emotions is, we do very little about it. We frequently leave people to suffer by themselves and to find their own inadequate, sometimes dangerous, solutions. Relaxation techniques, meditation, mindfulness,, anger management skills, all can be used. There are also many others that counselors recommend.
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