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Centerpointe Research


Keep the Children Out of It

Children of Divorce

Children of Divorce (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When you fight parents keep the children out of it.  I don’t mean you shouldn’t settle your differences.  The worse thing that could happen is divorce and then the children have to become involved and asking them to take sides then is the worst thing that could happen to them.

It is called triangulating.  Taking a problem that two people are having between themselves and dragging in a third and asking him or her to take sides.  There usually are two sides to every argument or disagreement.  Without knowing both sides, how can you take a side and/or should you even take a side?  Is it worse losing a friend over?

This frequently happens in divorce and it is especially bad when children are asked to do this.  It can lead to lying to the child about what actually is going wrong with the marriage and who, if anybody, is at fault.  The child is always the one who has to deal with both sides in such a conflict.  The spouses may no longer be related to each other; but the children still are.

Have you ever said to a child that he or she is just like her or his mother or father and you don’t mean it kindly?  Is it the child’s fault that he or she has so and so for a father or mother?  No!



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