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Centerpointe Research

The Origination Of Hallucinations In Bipolar Disorder

 

She appears SCARED!

As a bipolar person when I perceive people as doing astonishing things then I stop for a moment and withhold my reactions as I don’t want to embarrass myself.  My daughter was laying down the law to me and all of a sudden she stood up and lambasted me for being poor at handling my money.  I stopped thinking for a moment and realized this was imaginary and my daughter wouldn’t know what I was talking about if I reacted to it.  Also as much as I love being told by some person that they love me this is often a verbal hallucination and it would be embarrassing for me to say I love you back unless this was a family member or good friend.  These are just tricks that my mind plays on me usually at the end of a telephone call.

 

I have had hallucinations as a kid and this may be why I am afraid of the dark.  I was having an asthma attack and saw orange and green bugs and snakes all around me even with the lights on.  I was on codeine cough syrup as I was having an asthma attack so when I told her, my mom thought it was the codeine cough syrup causing these visions.  I became very afraid of the dark I slept with a light on after that and later slept with my head under a pillow.  Curiously enough often when I was sleeping with someone next to me or in a bed in the same room, I was not afraid.

 

As an adult, I began to think that I was afraid of the dark because I was molested at night by my Dad as a child.  Also, I masturbated very early on by using running water in the bathtub.  By the way, my two brothers did not want to talk with me about this or what had happened with them and our dad.  Curiously enough when I attended a cathartic workshop. the words, “Don’t hit him hit me came into my head”.  My dad had a very intense temper and I think my brothers were afraid of him.  My oldest brother inherited his temper.  With this going on in our household there could have been fodder for hallucinations.

 

“Depression..

Who knows what I saw in the dark as a child.  Could I have been hallucinating then?  Could I have been hallucinating about my after?  Also, things at night do not look like they do in the daytime.  It could be that I saw things.  A crumpled pillow or a blanket or a towel could look like a monster and with the ability to hallucinate I could have more easily seen these things like hallucinations and of course, my parents would not have seen them.

 

Recently I was made aware that with a bipolar diagnosis, I could hallucinate.  I also in the recent past before my bipolar diagnosis had brief hallucinations of people in a circular shape such as my husband and strangers  My husband was wearing the wrong color shirt in the hallucination.  They were off to one side and did not last very long, just long enough that I could notice them and figure out what they were.   Once over ten years ago I saw a candy striper with a tray of cinnamon rolls.  I knew it was not real as no candy stripers worked in the hospital and she also disappeared quickly

 

Knowing that I can hallucinate helps me to  “spot” them and react appropriately.  I can not predict when they will happen.  I just have to realize that they can happen and not react too quickly.  Other people often do not believe in them and would think I am “crazy” if they found out about them.  I would rather share these experiences with someone who understands that hallucinations are just a part of bipolar disorder and can be controlled at least by me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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