Your Own Bragging Rights

Do you keep any bragging rights for yourself? I never let myself have them. The reasoning drilled into me went like this: the higher you climb, the longer the drop. And then there's "the meek will inherit the earth." And "be all you can be," the old Army line. But if each of us actually lived out the full potential we were born with, would there be anything left over for everyone else? In theory we could do or become almost anything. The catch is time. One lifetime probably isn't enough to get to all of it, though I'd still like the chance to pick and choose. Parents say they want their kids to go further and have more than they did. When that really happens, though, isn't there a small jealous twinge in the parent too?

For some parents, their only bragging rights come secondhand, through what the children and grandchildren accomplish. Think of it the way you'd think of cigarette smoke drifting around a room: it's everywhere, you breathe it whether you want to or not, and it does nothing for you. Plenty of parents wear themselves out so their children can have an easier life, and often the children never register what was given up for them. A big piece of the trouble is that the child rarely wants the same thing the parent wanted for them. So do it yourself. Don't keep postponing your own life until the kids are grown and gone. If you poured a lot into them, they may still lean on you past the point where they should be managing alone, or they may assume you'll now do for their children exactly what you did for them. At some point too much really is too much.

Fine. So your kids make plans and trade secrets you aren't part of. You can tell they're enjoying themselves, and you aren't. Are you missing out? Then build your own experiences. Mark your own wins. Grow your own appetite for whatever adventure and success look like to you. Earn bragging rights for the things you are doing that move you forward. There may be nothing wrong with hunting down your own purpose and living off your own accomplishments for a change.

Doing a thing competently isn't the goal. You should want to be good at it, better than you figured you could be. Begin today. Waiting for the empty nest, or worse, for widowhood, can mean waiting until it's too late. Practice those bragging rights out loud, starting with yourself, and say the kind of things you've been hoping someone else would say about you. A compliment is something you make, not something that arrives on its own, and it tends to come hardest when you're trying to aim it at yourself. When we're scared of succeeding and won't even let ourselves imagine doing something remarkable, we clear space for other people to do the very things we were capable of. Wives and mothers: do you hold back on anything until everyone else has been taken care of first? Do you stay quiet because speaking up never seemed to change anything and silence kept the peace?

Who are you, anyway? Have you lost track? Maybe you have talents you've never touched, either because you decided you weren't worth the effort or because you measured yourself against someone you know who already did the thing and figured you came up short.

What gets guarded the hardest is usually what matters most. That's the whole idea behind Rocket Risks (Motor Mouth Publishing).