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Anger And Control, Just Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go!

Philosophically I think that I have gained control of my anger; but realistically, I haven’t.  The little gremlins (better known as grandchildren) have gotten to me.  No matter how patient and understanding I am something that they do or say or something else that they don’t do or say takes me over the edge and I am ashamed of my self afterwards to have such little ones see or hear such a thing or things.

Families

Families (Photo credits: www.myparkingsign.com)

I am on my best behavior (Wouldn’t you be?) with my grandchildren.  I want to show my adult children that I have truly grown up since I raised them and am providing a good example to their children now no matter what I was like in the past.  I can forgive myself for what’s happened in the past and do better, but can my children forgive me?  Will I be jealous if  I see them do a better job with their children than I did with them?

Is there such a thing as being too nice!?!  Wouldn’t you just like to let go, but not in front of the grandchildren!  The longer I live, the more responsible I become and I am not as easy on myself about forgetting to do things, not getting things done, and giving up when I have a problem to solve or something that I have put off mastering.  I think I am ready to take a vacation, not from life (I am not suicidal), but from everyday life.

It is amazing how easily a cuss word comes out when you thought that you have literally forgotten how to use them and I could shake a fist at somebody who has ticked me off after being in a confining SUV with a crying baby on a long sixty mile trip home from the hospital after having had surgery by failing to fill my prescription (on the third try through the drive through) so I would have pain medicine when I finally got home.  Nor do we live close to the pharmacy.

DriveThruPharmacyMainImageAnger has a lot to do with control.  Yes, it involves self-control but it also involves retaining control when you can and need to have control over your own life, thoughts, and feelings.  Too much Mrs. Nice Guy.  Was that my problem when I blew up?

Did I fail to stand up for my rights?  As an adult, setting boundaries for children.  As a customer, letting a business hold me hostage when I was supposed to be served by them?

 

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