Cross Talk, Mind Chatter

The mental clutter I call cross talk and mind chatter is exactly the sort of thing meditation taught me to quiet. Over time I got good at clearing my head and switching off the inner conversation. It rarely goes completely silent, though, especially when I'm doing this out in the world. I stay aware, still alert to whatever I need to notice around me.

For a while I figured I'd basically beaten it. Then one afternoon, warming up some leftovers, I caught myself narrating. Turn on the microwave, I'd tell myself, right before turning on the microwave. Every small step came with its own little instruction. So I ran a test: finish making the food without talking myself through any of it. And it worked. I could actually do it in silence.

That got me wondering where the habit came from in the first place. I don't narrate like that when I drive, even though I'm fully aware of what I'm doing and what's coming next. Maybe it's that driving runs on routine, while standing at the counter heating something up throws more small decisions at me. Behind the wheel, so much of it has gone automatic.

There's a second piece to what happens in my kitchen. I've had to slow down and be deliberate when I cook or put a meal together. Tasks I once did around the house on autopilot now need actual attention, because I've picked up physical limitations I didn't used to have. I have to watch how I handle things and sometimes work out a different method entirely. Call it do-it-yourself occupational therapy. To keep from an accident, from hurting myself or dropping and breaking something, I talk myself through the careful parts.

The new habits have settled in by now, so it's probably time to ease off the running commentary and go it alone again. Maybe then I can slip into something closer to a meditative state while I'm just moving around the house.