Do You Have to Win?
Why does an argument so often come down to a winner and a loser? Somewhere along the way the point of disagreeing became getting your way, period. Plenty of women describe this pattern in their relationships with men. And some will say "Yes dear" while meaning nothing of the kind, just to close the subject.
Nobody enjoys folding without a struggle. But there are fights where the ending is already written, and the struggle itself buys you nothing.
Consider a different goal: making up your own mind, then trusting that what you chose is right for you. Does that feel possible, or do you sense that ending a quarrel requires you to cave? Turn the word disagreement around and you get disagreeable. My grandchildren have a shorter version: "Not nice." What it leaves behind is anger, fear, anxiety, grief, sometimes plain sorrow.
None of that feels good. And in the rare case it does feel good to you, picture the other person. They are the one walking away feeling bad, out of luck, already loading up for the next round.
Maybe that is the reason old grievances keep surfacing in the middle of a brand-new problem.