Warning Signs That Come Before Domestic Violence

When a woman starts seeing a new man, a few things deserve her attention early on. Pay attention if he insists his previous girlfriend or wife was the problem, the one who ruined everything. That story is rarely the whole story. Watch, too, for a background where hitting was treated as normal, where a woman or a child who stepped out of line could expect to be struck by whoever ran the household. And it isn't only the men who carry this forward. Some families pass the pattern down through the women just as readily.

Nothing really makes violence acceptable. The trouble starts when a person decides their anger is earned, that someone or something put that feeling in them, and that the feeling alone gives them permission to lash out. From there it doesn't take much to tip into something dangerous. Pour alcohol on top of it and certain people become far worse.

In my family I saw this up close. With my grandfather too old to step in, my father was the one expected to deal with his brother-in-law whenever the man drank himself into a rage. The job was to keep my mother's disabled sister and her children safe. My dad had been a real athlete as a young man, but being strong didn't count for much against an uncle waving a butcher knife. My younger brother was still living at home then and had no choice but to watch it unfold. Back in those days I don't think the police came out for domestic calls the way they might now.

People are not objects to be hit, and that goes for women, children, and plenty of men as well. A child can carry the weight of it for years without ever taking a blow themselves. I remember a sister who, when her brother was struck instead of her, said, "Don't hit him; hit me." That took nerve. Think about what runs through a child watching a brother or a parent get hurt on purpose, while the adult who should be protecting them is the one in a fit, dumping all of it onto someone smaller.