Is It Selfish To Put Yourself First?
People ask whether putting yourself first counts as selfish. The short answer is that it depends, and plenty of the time it doesn't.
Notice what happens the moment you attach "self-" to the front of almost any word. Suddenly it carries a whiff of something you shouldn't be doing. That reaction isn't accidental, and the reasons behind it are worth sitting with.
Part of it comes from people who want you to feel guilty. If you believe you're being selfish, you're easier to lean on, quicker to hand over what you have. Labeling your choices that way keeps you giving.
There's a simpler motive too: sometimes the people pushing the word on you want the room to be selfish themselves. Treat life as a contest and the goal becomes finishing ahead of everyone else, which means nudging others toward second place. Convincing you to shrink back is one way to do that. It also chips away at your footing, your sense that you're allowed to take up space.
Set that aside and look at what confidence in yourself actually buys you. For one, it makes success more likely. You're simply harder to knock off course.
Confidence also pulls people toward you. When you carry yourself like someone who can handle the task, others want to be part of it, and that help shows up when you need it.
It changes what runs through your head, too. A steadier sense of yourself tends to generate the kind of energy that keeps you moving, and it quiets the nagging, distracting worry that otherwise crowds in. The doubt loses its grip.
So before you apologize for looking after yourself, ask who taught you that the apology was owed.