Who's Your Inner Voice? Part I

I've talked about mind chatter in earlier posts. This time the question is narrower: whose voice is the one you hear? A parent, a teacher, a minister? God, or the devil? A friend down the street, a relative who isn't your mother or father? And when you talk to yourself, do you actually become that voice, or do you have to say the words out loud before they count?

Figure out who is talking. If the voice isn't yours, then by definition it belongs to one of those other people. So why hand someone else the controls when you are the one who lives with the results? Following the voice's instructions might spare you some trouble. It might not. Either way, when you keep replaying what someone once said to you, ask who comes out ahead: you, or the person whose words you're repeating.

Have you ever sat with the question long enough to answer it? Did you pick this voice on purpose, or did it just move in? A voice doesn't get to be right simply because it echoes around inside your skull. Parents and friends don't always mean well, even when a phrase lodges in your memory and starts telling you what's good for you. Decide for yourself what that actually is.

Notice its tone, too. Anger, fear, the running commentary that tears you down: those aren't working for you. They drag your self-esteem lower, land you in situations you'd rather avoid, and in the worst stretches they can leave you wishing you weren't here. Guilt and shame have their uses in the moment, but once the event has passed and you've made whatever amends were needed, repeating them turns them into weapons aimed inward.

Some voices push you toward things that will hurt you or someone nearby. Teenagers are especially prone to this. They carry an imaginary audience around with them, convinced everyone is watching and grading every move, and they hold private beliefs that aren't true. One common one is the sense of being indestructible, which is exactly the kind of story that walks a person straight into danger.

Not every inner voice is a saboteur. Some you've earned trust in over the years. When you're ready to quit, they're the ones that keep you moving. I'll pick this up next time.

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