What The World Needs Now Is More Love And Less Anger
Ask yourself which one comes more naturally: snapping at a person or a situation, or telling someone you love them, or saying that a thing matters to you? Most of us find the first far simpler. Think of people as plants. We pull what we need from the soil, we lean toward sunlight, we take in water. When the only thing on offer is anger and criticism, that diet starts to stand in for affection and praise and warmth. A child raised on it learns that getting into trouble at least produces attention, and negative attention beats being ignored.
Acting out can be a cure for what might be called Forgotten Child Syndrome. Picture a household with a little Miss Princess, or a dashing Prince, or a Star Athlete (girl or boy), or a Precious Scholar (again, either one). The family pours its focus, its hours, and its energy into that favored child. A sibling, left in the shade, may turn into the Brat precisely so that someone will finally notice. Being a problem buys recognition and time, and it hands the overlooked child a way to aim some anger at the parents who keep circling the Good Child.
There is another angle to this. Praise rarely shifts anyone's behavior, while picking at someone's faults tends to stir things up emotionally, keeps conversation flowing, and gives gossip something to feed on. Criticism also does useful work for the critic: it swings everyone's gaze off the person doing the complaining and onto the person being complained about. And here is the odd part. What someone criticizes often tells you more about the critic than about the target. Offense works as a defense. The message underneath is, don't look at me, look at them. Anyone watching this unfold can be left genuinely puzzled, unable to tell what is really happening.
A stranger example shows up after a divorce, when a child seems to treat the good parent worse than the not-so-good one. Once a child feels certain of a parent's love, letting it all hang out with that parent can feel safer than acting the same way around the parent they are not sure of. Security invites the mess; insecurity keeps the child on guard. The mysteries of family life are not always sweet ones.