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Who Is the Winner in the Marital Dance of Anger, The Sexual Side?

rp_228552603_150_150.jpgI have been investigating problems with getting positive responses in marriage.  I have read that being angry can often make you lose in a marital argument.  That is if you are female.  If you are male, it often is a different story.  When a female is angry with a male, she can be seen as irrational, illogical and overly emotional.  Women often are afraid their security is in jeopardy and if their mate disagrees with them, they are afraid their security is at stake.

Women in our society have been encouraged to meet a man’s needs so that the men will depend on them and thus the women will feel more secure in the relationship.  This can lead to a woman feeling she is unable to meet her own needs if they don’t coincide with her husband’s needs.   Even worse, a woman may not know what her own needs are; because she has put them on the back burner so often.

rp_360159124_150_150.jpgWomen also, if there are children in the family, put their childrens’ needs before their own for the children’s sake.  At birth, children can only survive if their basic needs are met:  food, shelter, temperature, safety from harm, and also (in the case of human offspring) affection.  Many, many years ago, a mother spent ten days in the hospital recovering from giving birth.  The child was kept mostly in the nursery.  Now it is in one day and out the next.  Caring family and friends can alleviate this problem by helping out for the first week or two.

Women often learn that it is important to meet her husband’s and children’s needs first so much so that she becomes emotionally bankrupt.   Also, how many women have it pounded in their heads that they must meet their husband’s sexual needs or else he will go elsewhere to get them met.  This threatens her sense of security big time.  Also, for women’s sexual needs to get met, she has to know what she wants to accomplish in a sexual relationship and how to get it done.

rp_272680378_bd063659bc_m.jpgMen often have a lot of practice learning how to be satisfied sexually and very little experience focusing on what really arouses a woman and brings her to climax. Too much faking goes on especially on the woman’s side.  If too much time is spent meeting the male’s needs, then a woman may give up trying to get her needs met and falsely tell her male partner that she has come to orgasm after he has come to orgasm first because she is tired, possibly even bored, and no longer interested in sex and having an orgasm; because men often know what needs to happen for them to ejaculate and do their duty.

Sexual arousal for a woman can be a different ball of wax and possibly neither she nor he knows what makes a woman “tick” when it comes to sex.  Unfortunately, men often think that they know it all when it comes to sex and they only have one-half of the picture and women often don’t disabuse men of their ideas about sex for women as being similar to theirs.

 

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