Avoiding Road Rage, And Not Only On The Road

When somebody is walking toward you with a face like a gathering storm, giving them a wide berth is just common sense. Nobody sells an umbrella for that kind of weather. Push the wrong button and you get soaked. Often the best you can manage is to not make it worse and to put some distance between the two of you quickly.

I ran into this at the grocery store once. My cart was full, I needed a hand, and the cashier ringing me up clearly wanted to be anywhere else. The longer it took, the more her mood darkened. I also needed help carrying the bags to my car. I could feel that asking her at that exact moment would only pour gas on the fire, so I didn't. I wheeled my cart past the register, found another employee standing a little way off who seemed in a better frame of mind, and asked that person instead.

There's a quieter version of the same trap, and it has nothing to do with angry strangers. It's letting someone's expression reach in and rearrange how you feel. Picture yourself at a play, or sitting in a meeting. The person next to you frowns, looks bored, rolls their eyes. Suddenly you're wondering whether you actually enjoyed the show, or whether the ideas in the room are as good as you thought they were a minute ago.

Ask yourself whose opinion is steering the ship. Does one skeptical look drain the pleasure out of an evening? Does a stray reaction make a meeting feel either sharper or flatter than it really is? Some people hold steady in their own read of things. Others start doubting themselves the second they sense a different mood nearby.

A lot of this happens without you noticing. You pick up on the room, absorb the signals coming off other people, and before long your own confidence in what you think and feel has quietly slipped away.

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