Happy, Happy, Happy!

I'm taking a rocket risk, the kind Mary Mcellehattan writes about in her book. I'm finally heading toward the thing my heart has been asking for, checking something off my bucket list. Maybe it's my last big adventure. I'm going anyway. The lesson that got me here was simple: stop waiting around for another person to hand you the life you want.

Your happiness is yours to build. Nobody else is going to do it for you, and you don't need anyone's permission to start, though it's nice when you get it. The moment slips if you let it. I've decided not to let another person's disapproval steal a single day of something I've only dreamed about until now. Being yourself tends to work out fine. Still, most of us were trained early to chase approval first, sometimes from family, sometimes from the whole world, before we dare do anything.

Fear and sadness don't buy you much, unless you're actually grieving. When I say out loud what I plan to do, I'll probably feel a jolt of nerves, and that's fine. People differ on movies and music; they differ just as much on what counts as the trip of a lifetime. Think about a food you can't stand, the kind you don't even want to see on someone else's plate. I happen to love liver and onions, and I eat it mostly alone. Do you keep going to the restaurant somebody else picked because arguing isn't worth it? Move over, Rover. There's a new dog in town.

Try an experiment. Next time you're out with people, actually push for what you want. Ask yourself how often you order what sounds good to you versus waiting to hear everyone else first. Have you ever caught yourself thinking something on the menu looks wonderful and then ordering something safer? I eat snails and every mushroom I can find, including the ones we hunt ourselves in season. I practically have to badger someone just to get them onto my pizza.

If you're planning a big experience of your own, go all in on the daydream. Imagine the best trip possible, everything you'd want, even the parts you have no idea how to pull off yet. Being ready costs nothing when someone finally asks what you'd like. It's your trip and your budget. What draws you to a new place? For me it's the people and the food. I want my trips to do double duty, knocking out more than one of my goals at once. I want a local to meet me, walk me around, set the itinerary, and let me feel the place from the inside while I'm there.

Do you really want to spend years saying, "I wish I'd done that"? That kind of regret can trail a person for life. And ask yourself who's actually being negative here, you or the other person. Sometimes the message underneath is, "If I feel bad about what you're doing, then you should feel bad too, so go ahead and be miserable planning it, taking it, and talking about it afterward." Some of them quietly hope to spoil the whole thing. Does someone in your family hold that kind of sway over you? Who gains from it? There used to be a cartoon character who walked around under his own little rain cloud. That's you, if you allow it.

"If I'm not happy, nobody's going to be happy." You've heard that one. Does it have to hold? You could just enjoy yourself regardless. Happiness is a choice, and it belongs to you. Tune that voice out. Certain people are so self-denying that if they won't let themselves have something, they can't bear to watch you have it either.