Please Listen To Me
Listen to me well enough that you could repeat back what I just said. If you can't, I've wasted the breath it took to say it. Conversations have a way of turning into contests, each person angling to run the show while neither one takes in a word from the other. You start explaining something and the person across from you is already loading the next thing they want to say.
What are we doing when we talk to each other? Maybe we want to pick up something we didn't know. Maybe we want to pull someone over to our values, our angle on things. But if you have no intention of shifting your own view or reconsidering a stance you've staked out, where does the expectation come from that the other person should be willing to do exactly that?
Think about the last argument you were in that climbed into a shouting match. What did any of you actually get out of it? Venting feels good for a minute, sure. The trouble is that a problem left unsolved is still sitting there once your voice goes back to normal.
For some people, therapy is the one room where another human really pays attention. And even that isn't guaranteed. You've probably heard the same stories I have about a therapist nodding off while the client talks.
The technique therapists lean on is active listening. The therapist plays back what the client said, in different words, to confirm the meaning landed the way it was meant. From there they might offer a read on what the client could really be doing, or float an idea about how to handle the thing that was just laid out.
Debate trains the same muscle. It pushes people toward active listening and toward actually seeing the far side of an argument. You're made to argue positions you may not hold, which sharpens critical thinking and forces some empathy for the opposing case. Most of us aren't naturally good at that. We live in a culture that celebrates personal difference, and the side effect is that we dig in to protect our own preferences while brushing past everyone else's claim to theirs.
Think for yourself. Let the next person do the same.