The Vulnerable Age, Young Adulthood

Young adults have only recently begun weighing their choices against what might happen down the road, and that newness makes them an easy mark. A group that promises certainty, especially one that claims to hold every answer, can pull them right in. We saw a lot of this back when cults were in the headlines and filling their ranks with the young. The pitch was always the same: we know the truth, we can explain everything. For someone with little life behind them, that was hard to resist.

The thing is, the big questions of life keep moving. What looks like the answer in your forties might not satisfy you at twenty, and it may not hold up at seventy either. You can spend the whole trip looking. Whatever you land on, though, self-respect, love, joy, and peace belong in the mix. Chase money, romance, fame, or power instead and you can run yourself ragged without ever feeling full.

You have more control over the air around you than you might think. Scowls, swearing, constant criticism, answers that only tear things down: those things poison your own days and spill onto everyone near you. On the other side, a warm and steady presence tends to spread good will as you move through a room. When a conversation turns toxic and you can't redirect it, sometimes the smartest move is simply to walk out and take yourself somewhere with better air.

Watch the people who come across as loudly self-assured and morally certain, as opposed to the ones who are quiet and settled in what they know. The loud ones are often defending something on the inside. They want followers to validate what they believe and to prop up the hold those beliefs have over other people, you included. It makes me wonder who they think they're fooling. Themselves, maybe. I knew a man addicted to drugs who once strolled into a room I was in wearing this smug little grin, sure I had no clue he was high. I knew exactly what was going on. I told him so, and I told him I didn't care for it.

Don't hand them your confidence. Building your own judgment takes a while, that's true, but it is yours to build. When something doesn't sit right, that feeling is usually onto something. The hard part is that a confident enough person can talk right over your own good sense if you let them.

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